My story pt 2

[Smothy]

Keep going, Kembo. The weight lifts and things will be easier, but it is slow, slow process. I am 6 months in since BD and it is still hard for me, especially at weekends.

[Kembo05]

Thanks Smothy.

Just interested to hear other opinions. Since my W filed for D I have really been detaching physically from her. Trying harder to detach emotionally, at least I can 'fake it until I make it' with that part.

Normally when I get home I will go off and do something with my D2, away from the house. I am rarely at home now, especially when my W is there. Should I try and stick around a little more just to see if she does anything positive? I obviously won't follow her around; I just mean be at the house a little more.

I don't think it is uncommon, but I just overanalyze everything I am doing at this point. Sadly, it hasn't even been a week since she filed. I know patience is the key; it feels like it has been a year since she filed.

Just to recap in case anyone isn't aware of the recent ridiculousness; I thought I saw OM and I followed him to his house, it ended up being his brother and I ended up having a convo with dad while the OM watched through the blinds like the POS he is. I told my W this happened and at first she was calm and then when she had a few minutes to process she was livid. 100% livid because I had D2 with me; bad call on my part but I never would have put D2 in a situation I thought would escalate.

This is the straw that broke the camels back for my W and she decided to finally file for D2 the day after this happened. She said it was because my D2 was with me, but I honestly think it is because I brought the affair into more light and she was embarrassed and fearful this would cause the A to officially end. Weeks before when she said she was done with the A I told her if this OM popped up again I was going to go find him and she said she would never forgive me for this if I did. What a statement, right? She wouldn't forgive me for approaching the man she is cheating on me with, or the man she is betraying our family with? What a bold statement

Anyways, a few days later after she filed for D I told her the OM was to not come to our house and to never be around my D2; my W got upset at this and told me she was done with that relationship and it was me going to his house that made her realize she didn't need OM anymore. I still have a difficult time believing OM is completely out of picture, but I don't/can't care right now. Once she filed I told her she was free to do whatever she wants; I am starting a new life and I know I will be OK.

Everything is still so fresh for me, so I feel like I am barely treading water. I thought things were improving before this event happened. My wife has definitely shown some curiosity in me GAL, she has even used the words "weird, confused, and hurtful" that I am doing a lot of stuff away from the house.

[Kembo05]

Just journaling to get some stuff off my chest so it doesn't build. W was much more talkative yesterday; she normally withdraws to her room but she stayed out in the living room a little longer than normal. She made enough dinner for both of us and made it a point to come back to the bedroom where I was hanging out to tell me we had plenty of food. I normally get D2 up on the mornings I don't have to leave early and W stays in bed until I leave, but this morning she got up shortly after D2 and I did.

She oddly enough asked about MC for the 4th time since we went last week. We had to reschedule because of her IC so she keeps asking to ensure we are scheduled.

Lastly, she bought some gifts for friends of mine that found out they are pregnant and she asked if I wanted to send them anything else and I said "No thanks, that is nice of you to send that" She then asked if she should get something for my best friend and his wife since they found out they are pregnant too. This confuses me because my best friend is good friends with her but he is so angry with her and doesn't want to talk to her because of this situation. My W also isn't a fan of his W so I find it odd she wants to send them something. Before she filed for D she mentioned how exhausted she was by pretending everything is OK when we are around people and it seems like that is what she is choosing to still do. I want to say "none of these people are going to want to be your friend when they realize this is what you are doing" but I just STFU and control what I can control

[Kembo05]

Looking for opinions;

My W texted me a couple times yesterday. The first time she was sending pics and videos of our D2 at dance class and I just responded "shes adorable" the other 2 texts were just funny things our D2 did at home and I ignored those texts. I feel bad doing this, but I don't want to come across as just being friends texting about a common interest (our D2).

I just don't want to come across as so unloving that it pushes my W further away. Anyone who has gone dark can probably understand, just looking for advice/opinions/encouragement on this. Curious if I should go as dark as possible or if I should respond to texts about our D2. Confused.

[Matt777]

Looking for opinions;

My W texted me a couple times yesterday. The first time she was sending pics and videos of our D2 at dance class and I just responded "shes adorable" the other 2 texts were just funny things our D2 did at home and I ignored those texts. I feel bad doing this, but I don't want to come across as just being friends texting about a common interest (our D2).

I just don't want to come across as so unloving that it pushes my W further away. Anyone who has gone dark can probably understand, just looking for advice/opinions/encouragement on this. Curious if I should go as dark as possible or if I should respond to texts about our D2. Confused.

I think when it's about kids, it's ok to reply in a kind of vague way you did. Remember, 80% of what they gave you. I wouldn't go around sending tons of pictures and messages to her when you have D2 though. It's a fine line and I think these no RIGHT answer. But if my W sends something about the kids, I want to be sure to reply. If she sends something about HER, I'll only reply if it's some specific question.

[Kembo05]

Thanks Matt, this is helpful.

[Smothy]

I would only reply if it is about business (finances) etc and kids too.

[sandi2]

I just don't want to come across as so unloving that it pushes my W further away. Anyone who has gone dark can probably understand, just looking for advice/opinions/encouragement on this. Curious if I should go as dark as possible or if I should respond to texts about our D2. Confused.

Your W definitely wants to keep you attached, so she uses D2 b/c she knows that will get to you quicker.

I don't disagree with Matt. Another option would be to learn how to use as few words as possible. Instead of stating a sentence, send a smiley face or some other face. Try one word answers as a response. That way, you aren't ignoring your D2, but you aren't carrying on a conversation with her.

I really don't think your W is ready to cut you lose yet, and that's why she's playing these games. She still wants this interaction with you. It's common with many WW's, especially younger women with small children. Even though she's file for D, she wants to keep you on the other line. Maybe it's her backup plan, in case OM doesn't work out, so you need to work at emotionally detaching. In some cases, it takes more of your energy & attention in watching how long to wait before responding to her text/photos than just getting it out of the way. Know what I mean? Using one word answers or emotion symbols may help you.

[Matt777]

I just don't want to come across as so unloving that it pushes my W further away. Anyone who has gone dark can probably understand, just looking for advice/opinions/encouragement on this. Curious if I should go as dark as possible or if I should respond to texts about our D2. Confused.

Your W definitely wants to keep you attached, so she uses D2 b/c she knows that will get to you quicker.

I don't disagree with Matt. Another option would be to learn how to use as few words as possible. Instead of stating a sentence, send a smiley face or some other face. Try one word answers as a response. That way, you aren't ignoring your D2, but you aren't carrying on a conversation with her.

I really don't think your W is ready to cut you lose yet, and that's why she's playing these games. She still wants this interaction with you. It's common with many WW's, especially younger women with small children. Even though she's file for D, she wants to keep you on the other line. Maybe it's her backup plan, in case OM doesn't work out, so you need to work at emotionally detaching. In some cases, it takes more of your energy & attention in watching how long to wait before responding to her text/photos than just getting it out of the way. Know what I mean? Using one word answers or emotion symbols may help you.

That's kinda what I meant to say, but I was far less eloquent. Something like "she's adorable" is good. But using her message as a way of launching a conversation about D2 is likely not.

[Kembo05]

This is extremely beneficial, thank you! I regret not responding to her yesterday, but you live and learn. Sandi I really like the idea of making it short and sweet in my responses. I'm confident she uses this as a way to still interact with me, but I will make it a point to not prolong the conversation. Thank you for the suggestions