Pushed Over

[NDY]

She'll, no doubt, be resorting to the roundabout of validating her behaviour with her OM and friends. I can almost see her sat in a room somewhere sobbing about how NDY is such a nasty so and so - 'why won't he just let me have the house and I'll be happy'. Hang on, I've heard that line somewhere before.....

That my friend is most likely what she is doing. That and trying to figure out a way to get L on me to kick me out. Should be interesting.

[Painter]

If it happens again, I think you should take your son and leave the room, and tell her you can continue the conversation when she is in her right mind.

If nothing else, you've now got a good reason to suggest a counselor to help you communicate.

I think the level of her defensiveness demonstrates that she knows how wrong she is, and also that she's sensing your strength. The unfortunate thing is that she's burning bridges - she could get increasingly defensive because she's ashamed of her own behavior, and blame you for her outbursts. That's why I think removing yourself to another room in the house instantly could be helpful, so she's left holding her own bag.

Another thing is that making an appointment with a counselor and writing her to invite her can help you if she tries to call the police on you later, or leave with S9. I would document this outburst in an e-mail to her with regret and sadness, mention how she must know this is horrible for S9, and ask her to please attend counseling with you to learn how to avoid scenes like this in the future. I know this is not DB'ing, more legal strategy, but that's what I know more about...

[NDY]

If it happens again, I think you should take your son and leave the room, and tell her you can continue the conversation when she is in her right mind.

Yes, I tried to walk away but she followed me.

If nothing else, you've now got a good reason to suggest a counselor to help you communicate.

I did but she isn't interested. At least I have it on record that she A) warned me that things will get worse and B) she refused to do anything about it.

I think the level of her defensiveness demonstrates that she knows how wrong she is, and also that she's sensing your strength. The unfortunate thing is that she's burning bridges - she could get increasingly defensive because she's ashamed of her own behavior, and blame you for her outbursts. That's why I think removing yourself to another room in the house instantly could be helpful, so she's left holding her own bag.

Perhaps, or perhaps she is just frustrated she isn't getting her own way. Not sure.

Another thing is that making an appointment with a counselor and writing her to invite her can help you if she tries to call the police on you later, or leave with S9. I would document this outburst in an e-mail to her with regret and sadness, mention how she must know this is horrible for S9, and ask her to please attend counseling with you to learn how to avoid scenes like this in the future. I know this is not DB'ing, more legal strategy, but that's what I know more about...

I may well do this but right now I'll leave her to lick her wounds.

[Huddy]

Painter makes a good point about documenting the evidence. If she goes for a D, the Sherriff would look very badly on W for being aggressive. If you have those texts, print them and give them to your L at the appropriate time.

I bet she doesn't realise how much damage she is actually doing to herself with her actions. I wonder what OM makes of all this? All this hassle, I'd be off if I didn't have any ties to her.

[NDY]

Painter makes a good point about documenting the evidence. If she goes for a D, the Sherriff would look very badly on W for being aggressive. If you have those texts, print them and give them to your L at the appropriate time.

I bet she doesn't realise how much damage she is actually doing to herself with her actions. I wonder what OM makes of all this? All this hassle, I'd be off if I didn't have any ties to her.

I don't have text unfortunately. Just a very sad and scared little boy who doesn't deserve this cr@p.

[Huddy]

That's really sad. Hope she reaps what she sows.

[NDY]

Yea. Anyway for now at least I think I'll adopt the STFU policy, have a PMA and see where this goes. I have the excellent text provided by wonka just in case. We will see how she reacts tonight.

[Cadet]

We will see how she reacts tonight.

Once you get to the point that "How she reacts" is HER problem not yours - then you will be getting detached.

[NDY]

Hi Cadet

Yes, I see that. I'm really not worried nor bothered. My only concern right now is S9. He did not need to witness that. I will have to work on ways to keep him out of the way while she spews.

[Sotto]

Might you consider setting a boundary on this NDY? Letting her know that you regret the recent discussion was seen by him and he was upset. Letting her know that you don't intend having any further such discussions if he is present. And if she begins one, calmly tell her - we can continue this discussion at another time when we are alone.

If she continues despite this - calmly remind her of the boundary and then walk away. It takes two to engage, and if you just remove yourself calmly, she'll have to argue with herself.

I hate to think of children being impacted in this way, and I agree with you - it's so important to try and support him through this. SS's mum had a volatile R with a boyfriend, and SS used to get sent upstairs during arguments. He told us he would sit in his room feeling scared and wondering if he should try and help his Mum. He was a similar age to your little guy.