So sad that I can't even think !!

[asitis]

As RosaLinda says, night is hard. It does get easier, but some nights will still be hard even when that happens. I'm not a huge believer in drugs (although I take more than I like as I get older), but there is something to be said for talking to a psychiatrist if you're really struggling at nights. Anti-anxiety meds can be mildly addicting if not handled carefully (not selling your possessions to get your next fix kind of thing, but still approached with caution), but for a short period of crisis, there is nothing wrong with a bit of Lorazapam/Atavan to help you not struggle so much and be able to get on with life during the first month. IC can help. Getting exercise can help. Meditation (there are a number of approaches that range from Buddhist, mindfulness, to Christian depending on your background and preferences) can help you detach from the overactive chatter of the mind.

And remember, that all that chatter and worries are stories your telling yourself and not really "the truth." That makes it a bit easier to not get so wrapped up in them if you think of them as stories you are spinning to try to get a grip on things, and if you've ever tried the kind of meditation where you let go of thinking about things, you'll see just how much our minds really want us to get wrapped up in stories and how they are just that.

Other things to consider: a warm bath (you can do the whole 9 yards with bubbles and candles), chat with a friend in the evening if you have someone willing to be that kind of help for a bit to unload some of those feelings, watch a comedy show (movies, regular show, stand up) early in the evening to get some humor on your radar.

Good luck and keep posting. You can already tell from your posts that you are settling down a bit. It may not seem that way from your end, but it comes through in your posts. Pat yourself on the back for already doing some things to love and care for yourself. That is a good sign.