Whoof. Okay, yesterday I was mellow, even "fine"... this morning I'm buried under a ton of bricks.
An observation that seems fairly real to me right now-- anything I say or do to make peace with this situation is a rationalization. The trick is in finding a rationalization that works to keep the pain and sadness at bay for the longest period of time.
I think it's not the best use of mental energy to try to rationalize it. You will probably never have an answer that satisfies. But you have control over what you do. The best way to detach and stop ruminating is to GAL. What have you been doing to that end? (Not dating) How about you start writing about that?
I agree with Claire - perhaps acceptance is a better aim. That doesn't mean that things will never change, just that they are as they are for now. I'd love to see you building friendships in ways other than dating too...are there any new things you would like to do now you have the opportunity? I know the 'opportunity' may not be what you wished for, but it can be seen as one I think?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Golly, yes... I am still looking back, aren't I. Despite my having met her and said "this is probably the final time I ever see or talk to her", it seems I still don't want to live my life as though she is truly gone and we are truly done. I don't seem to want to let go of the dream of the life that I wanted to have with her or the happiness we could have had "if only".
Somehow I've got to extinguish that tiny brand of... hope? Self-pity? Clinging? Fantasy? Whatever it is, it's something that's preventing me from fully accepting that our marriage really, truly is over, and I really, truly, irrevocably am done with her. I need acceptance. And however I feel about what's happened, however I ignore or block or rationalize, that doesn't help me accept and move on. It continues to enliven, zombie-like, what was and no longer is.
Does anyone here have any interesting strategies for acceptance, and moving forward, once she's gone? More than just "get out and meet people" (although that counts too)? What have you done to accept and look to the future, not the past?
Wow.. since reading those last comments of yours, Toots and Claire, I'm sort of reeling with the import of that implication-- that I'm essentially wasting my time trying to figure out how to deal with the feelings lingering from her. She's out of my life: no kids, no contact, no property. The only effect she has on me is the one that I invent in my own mind.
And in that regard, the only effect that matters is that she left me alone, because that's the only effect that appears externally, in that I look around and there's no one there. The other effects-- her hurtful behavior, and the desire I have for her to show remorse-- aren't there unless I create them.
