Thank you for the thoughtful post. I so very much appreciate it.
I love my wife more than anything on this Earth. I love my children. All I ever wanted to do was help heal whatever this problem is. I have been confused becuase I honestly did know where it is coming from, but I do believe that it is her issue.
That is completely clear to me and has been throughout and that you are clearly the more stable parent in all this.
That does make sense that this AP is her bridge to her new life.
Yes, I have been angry, depressed, frustrated upset, confounded, sad, all of the above. I don't want to win any points and don't have a score card I keep. That is not what marriage is about in my book. Its about two equal partners navigating this life together. Not through control or intimidation or threats just love. We have been married 3 times (due to changing laws of states). That is how strong our love has been.
absolutely the case. It's hard that the laws keep changing HeavyD as that is uncertainty.
Since October my WW has the drum beat of I don't love you, I want a divorce and this has gotten louder and louder and louder.
Yes I agree that is the case HeavyD.
At the coffee shop yesterday she said Get it through your head I am divorcing you. She was practically shouting it out me.
I believe that this is to with her need for freedom, rather than her need for a D from you. I can't see she can marry this AP partner. It is her confusion over herself.
What else can I do with that? She filed for divorce, we tried mediation and we could not come to any agreement. When I don't agree with her, out comes this monster. Talk about the one who is scared. Its me who is scared when she spews.
That's what they do. Standard fare you have said that yourself.
The paperwork is already in the courts. I have asked her to pull the petition and lets navigate this crisis together as a family. She refuses. She wants me to pull my lawyer becuase I can 'trust" her.
Your L has set the next date.
Again, I don't want this divorce - I hate the idea of a D but she has filed and it is going through regardless of my desires.
My only choice is to have a lawyer or not. My choice is to have a lawyer to protect me and our kids from this emotional and financial fallout.
I agree you need an L, absolutely I do. You set the boundaries for your L, take advice from them. My concern isnt that you D but that you speed it along in anger.
This whole situation saddens me beyong measure. I am bereft without my wife and family. Everything we have worked so hard for is now going up in ashes and for what?
WW and her freedom.
I am beyond sad and if it does come to Divorce, I will be as gentle as possible and hope that it brings her happiness and a measure of healing although for us, it will bring ruin.
You seem angry and are moving to set dates.
Do you have any other suggestions to stop this madness and help us heal these issues? Is there anything else I can do? I have tried my best to follow the DB principals although I made a lot of mistakes along the way, I have read the books, had a coach or two, everything to salvage this mess.
If you wish to slow things down my lovely then your L will have ways to do that. I am concerned for you, that you are playing your part in moving quickly in anger. WW wants mediation which is a much slower process within the D structure. My L was adamant that I do not mediate and that I press for D very quickly, as fast as I can to achieve the best fin result. But mediation or arbitration would add many months to the D process.
I am most concerned about you, my lovely one.
So perhaps I am not as clear in my thinking and posts as I can be. Because this is so similar to my own D process (not sitch), I sense it can be fast or slow.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW