I can't see your sitch as a "fail" as without your recovery and DB applied very well indeed think how difficult life would be.
It might help you to read your early posts and compare Joe then to now.
Addiction and compulsion are adiificult additions to any sitch.
A busy Joe involved in his children's lives and activities is lovely and inspiring. I for one am very comforted to read this. Sometimes Joe we need space from posting as it feels overpowering and emotional. But that will pass, it too will pass.
Often others say why didn't you do this? Why not that?
As long as we do the very best we can with a good heart that is all we can expect of ourselves. it takes two to communicate, Joe, WW and you. Because we don't talk to (that's lecturing) we talk with others. When the other doesn't listen or there are lies then being NC is the best result.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/09/1505:30 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Good Morning!! Thank you sandi and V for keeping me in check. And Cadet for giving me your opinion yesterday.
Last night was interesting. Oldest S23 has been kicked out by his girlfriend. Has no where to live and asked if he could stay with me. I think it is ironic that WW runs to CA and I am here taking care of little kids and her kids from first marriage. He has a terrible time with keeping a job. He is mad at the world. I was going to help him out and try to get him focused on his life until he posted a comment on FB about not taking crappy jobs just to get by. I also told him I WILL NOT have anyone smoking pot in my house, around my house or living in my house. He wants to do that he can, just live somewhere else. He must have took offense to that. Made some comments on FB about people against smoking. My main priority is my young kids.
I keep hearing more stuff about WW. Every time one of the older kids talks to their grandma, I hear something different. She has lied to the older kids about stuff. Her mom does not seem happy with her. She has also lied about where she is living to the other kids. Each one of them tells me they don't know who she is anymore. I feel bad for them. Their father abandoned them when they were little. Now their mother when they are older.
S7 has been real upset lately. He misses his mom. He talks to her alot on the phone at night. She tells him about all the things she is going to take them to do when they go out there in July. I am wondering how she is going to do this. She couldn't spend time with them when she was here. It took time out of her sleep for work or her time writing her blogs.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
So lots of drama today! S23 called his mom and chewed her out for what she is doing. WW thinks I am bad mouthing her. I told her I am not saying anything but the facts. I don't care what she does anymore. I also told her I have decided to change from legal separation to divorce. I don't see any point in delaying the obvious. She still says that she was unhappy for a long time. I told her that she does not have to worry about it anymore.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
It just kills me that WW is so worried about me keeping the kids from her. The lawyer set up her visitation time. When she was here, she didn't do anything with them. I would come home from work to find the kids sitting around and WW in her office or sleeping. Kids would say they have not seen her much since they got home from school! She keeps talking about coming back up here when she gets her mom situated. According to the older kids, she has hardly been to her mom's since she has been out there. More lies!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am disappointed in myself for falling into another argument with WW. I was feeling so good and strong and now I feel stressed. I can now see the reason my neck and head have been giving me alot of pain all these years. For the past couple weeks I have not had any pain. The stress WW is causing me is contributing to my neck pain. I am chalking this up as a learning experience. When WW called me about S23 chewing her out and accusing me of bad mouthing her, my response should have been, " I have not said anything negative about you only the facts" and left it at that.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
This is really tough as a phase. WW is doing what WW will do, lashing out.
Nothing really you can do.
If I were you I would not accept or deny anything!
Validate: "disappointed you feel that way WW"
Then STFU.
I get it WW is a pain in the neck.
I know that Joe will not be abandoning his step kids. Otherwise why bother to set boundaries, we do that with those we love. And Joe it is evident you care for your SS enough to set those boundaries.
Calm, breathe, relax.
It will be alright in the end and if it's not alright it's not the end and besides the fat lady hasn't sung yet!
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/09/1509:17 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
This is really tough as a phase. WW is doing what WW will do, lashing out.
Nothing really you can do.
If I were you I would not accept or deny anything!
Validate: "disappointed you feel that way WW"
Then STFU.
I get it WW is a pain in the neck.
I know that Joe will not be abandoning his step kids. Otherwise why bother to set boundaries, we do that with those we love. And Joe it is evident you care for your SS enough to set those boundaries.
Calm, breathe, relax.
It will be alright in the end and if it's not alright it's not the end and besides the fat lady hasn't sung yet!
V
VALIDATION! That is what I need to work on! Thank You V!! You always know how to say the right thing to make me feel better!
SS has taken advantage of my kindness many times. He has come to live with us twice when he was in a bad place. Both times he felt he should be able to do what he wants, not work if he doesn't want to and not help pay for groceries. Both times he left angry. I am not dealing with that right now!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
