I am having a terrible day. It's my bday, I'm just down today. Really feeling bad for what I did a show I acted. I have realized I put up walls all over to keep people out of my life. Just always letting a few into the fringe parts. I never really connected with anybody to deeply, for fear of being hurt again. I just cared about myself and what happened to me. It makes me really miss the one that I'm letting get away. I can't do a damn thing, but accept the fact that it's over and move on. Try to find something in my life for happiness. I almost just want it all over with. Even though I know it is, we are dragging it out. No money for divorce, no time to do anything. And yes that gives me time, but I've had so much time already. And all I've done is waste it trying to be someone I'm not. I don't know what to do from here. I just want to figure out myself. But that even seems impossible. Maybe tomorrow will be better day.
