So I have been gone over the weekend as typical, also did not hang out much yesterday. I think there are times I get ... as most of you posted .. wrapped up in W and everything sometimes even reading others here does not allow me to detach from my own stuff.
Friday, W picked up S from school as she is not working, was good for me as I went home and did a deep clean, even washed the couch slip covers. Went to work that night, pretty much a normal night. W let me know her and S were coming down with something ... pretty sick and our BIL trip was going to be cancelled. Fine by me, I had some things to take care of so I ran some errands.
Saturday morning I asked her if she needed anything, I could pick it up while I was out. Looking back at my sitch ... I had gone as dark as possible with S, she was sick in Nov/Dec and asked ... begged me to help her and I refused, even went as far to tell her to call OM up as I am sure he would be more than happy to take care of her ... I meant it .. even on my calendar I have that day circled as when I dropped the rope.
One of the issues during our M was the way I was with her being sick. I have admitted I am a fixer, well when you are this way and your wife is often ill, might just be the flu, migraine, neck, or her IC symptoms .. seemed there was always something. Looking back, the added stress did not help this at all ... and the fact I would get so frustrated ... again .. more stress. I was never mad at her ... I was more upset with not being able to do anything to ease her suffering, thing I learned during all this .. me just being there was what I could do ... but I never realized that until this past year or so.
Ok that being said .. I went and grabbed some soup and things for her and S, brought them by. I came in and was PMA ... gave S a hug .. W sent S to his room to play ... then ... here comes the out of the blue stuff.
She came up to me and asked me "Who is Rosie?" I was caught offguard then was thinking .. ok how .. what .. huh. Evidently the iPad I gave her for Christmas 2013 is linked to my phone, I was messing with some settings and somehow the past weeks TM have been going to the iPad. Rosie is a friend I have known for some time, she is a borderline WAW and someone I have just been giving advice to. We might chat via TM once a month .. maybe if that. So anyways as I was running errands she had TM asking how I was, if I had fun plans .. told her what I was upto, grabbing W and S some soup as they were sick. Then she thanked me for the advice and said something to the effect "you are always so good to me and everyone"
So W obviously did not care for this .. I realized it looked far worse than it really was. I explained she was a friend, nothing more. W started some spew but I was really pretty calm. Told her the truth. She then wanted to see my phone ... I siad .. ok .. that goes both ways, I was not under the impression she was committed to the M at this point ... she told me she was, thats why she was pushing for the Retroville weekend. So we unlocked our phones and she went through mine as I went though hers. I am pretty sure she deleted a bunch of this earlier knowing it would come to this. But it was actually good, she seen there was nothing on my phone ... she did ask "Who the He## is P-Sue?" I laughed and told her we sounded like the "Jake from State Farm" commercial .... I laughed even harder when she threatened to call the number ... it was my moms ... she then told me normal people would just have "Mom" ... I looked at her with my goof face then she started laughing.
After the dust settled she was still a bit on edge, I told W I would leave and let her be, she told me she did not want me to go. We talked a bit ... some R talk .. some about the A ... nothing big just things, was good. I told her I have been working on the triggers and slowly but surely getting better, but at times its tough. Not the spew or any anger that I have recalled in the past years, almost an understanding.
So the rest of the night I took care of the two sicko's. This was a total demonstration of one of the changes I have made, I was there, not like before in the old M, I was calm, not frustrated ... W even mentioned it later on Sunday that it was a huge difference. That night I tucked them in ... and went home.
Sunday morning I woke early, went to 7:30 mass, then off to my football game, double ... was great to get out there and play again. Went out for a couple beers after, did my thing .. went home and took a shower. W TM asking what I was upto, asked if I would come over. Grabbed a movie, played Battleship with my S who I caught cheating, all while W was resting. I fed S, got him in the shower and ready for bed. W made a statement about how S never pouts or throws a fit with me when I have him do those things ... I let that go, fixed up the vaporizer for her told her I was going home. She then told me she was scared of being alone, asked me to grab our dog and come back. She got ready for bed, wearing just a tank and some underwear (Dirty pool) We talked for a bit ... she actually opened up, said she needed me, wanted me there all day but I was out GAL. I just STFU ... but was nice to hear.
So I went home, took a shower, grabbed the dog and my overnight bag. Came in .... ok .. this was huge for me. Her place, the couch, and our old bed have been triggers for me. That condo was the W/OM love nest in my mind ... over the past couple weeks W has told me he was rarely there ... however last year she did say they did have sex there ... on our bed .. this set me on a 2 month spin cycle. So I walked in and ... for whatever reson decided This was MY bed, MY W, and I allowed OM FAR to much power and space in my head ... I told W to scoot over, held her and we both fell asleep. No Hanky-Panky but throughout the night she would reach out to draw me closer, I would do the same. Woke up ... she scooted back into me and said "Good Morning" ... Its been what .. over 2 years since THAT has happened, I smiled .. she could not see me .. but I just took in that moment and appreciated it. I got up, brushed, walked the dog, she offered to make breakfast, I declined as I needed to get going to work.
So ... thats where we are now.
Honestly as good as the weekend was, being able to show some changes, she is showing some too honestly. I am more calm ... was even before that .. realizing I gave this all to God some time ago and have to remind myself this is His will, I just need some direction here and there.
That being said, there are things I realized the past few days that I need out of my M, things W will have to make an effort on. Now is not the time to bring them up, but I know when the time comes I will have to address this with her, I lived the old M just trying to fix, please, and that landed me miserable, I don't think it helped her either.
So currently I am just supporting her with her job search, aswell as guiding her a little as she rediscovers herself. Over the weekend there have been alot of future talks by her, we even touched on Buying a home ... when she went through my phone she seen a realtor I was in contact with ... was told I needed to wait till the D was final before I buy .. this one surprised her, in a good way. I shared I was going to use my VA loan as we did not use it on our first home. She also touched last night on combining the phone plan .... I laughed and reminded her the crap she put me through when I tried to get off her plan (last year) ... was a shared laugh.
