1. You took out the part about her being free to leave. What are your thoughts on her leaving and leaving you the house and son???
I'm thinking that you leaving (again) is a terrible idea. OM will eventually move in and take over. If he wears the same size clothes you might as well leave them behind for him. However, if you sell the house, I'm thinking for all practical purposes your marriage would probably end thereafter. Without a familiar and historical "home" to come home to there's less attraction to considering you as the primary option when the affair dwindles and dies. There is just nothing like a wayward spouse having to stop by their old home and the familiar smells of "spotted dick" or some other english delicacy in the oven. Especially since it was your dream home. Why doesn't SHE move out and let you keep it...at least for awhile.
I also understand if she won't do it. That's just her feeling TODAY but as you continue to hang around her and the house and make her feel uncomfortable about her activities her feelings may change. The pull of the affair addiction has been known to be strong enough to get wives to simply abandon their families when things don't go their way (their entitled way being - everyone be happy for me and do what I say and no one gets hurt).
2. What angle did she take? I'm just interested in her mindset. Some go on the offense "how dare you question my parenting" where others say "did you just call me a bad parent and start to cry [crocidile tears]". She likes using fear and anger to manipulate you. When that no longer works....she'll change tactics. She COULD call the cops and say you hit her. I've heard stories of wayward wives running their bodies into walls, slapping themselves silly and calling the cops and showing them cuts and bruises to get them to remove a betrayed husband that didn't mind them. What they don't count on is that cops aren't always stupid. If she's beat up and you don't have a single mark on your hands, arms, wrists, legs then your story that she beat herself up becomes more believable and SHE could get arrested for filing a false police report. Either way....watch your back.
Hi GB
Summary as I'm on my phone. I can't afford to buy her out, but what she is offering me to buy me out is pretty much a con. I'd be loosing out in thousands. My opininion is that if this is the end then I need as much cash as possible to buy the best place I can afford for me and S9. Why should I live in a crappy flat? I don't want a D.
Her take was she is sorry we can't reach an amicable agreement which is odd because I only re iterated my first and last stance. Her offer doesn't cover it. If she can't afford to buy me out then so be it. Lastly, she will not leave S9 behind. If she leaves he goes with her. Not much I can do about that except ask him.
Last edited by NDY; 06/09/1505:37 PM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks GB. I do feel better. I expect tonight I will be cool calm and collected. I even started looking at houses again today. Should have been working but hey.
Have you considered getting a roommate to make it possible to stay in your home? It would be a less final solution, at least for now.
Ideally, a woman. Maybe a single mom.
Painter, you are naughty.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Are you sure your W and my W aren't the same person? I got the same line about why didn't I just live in a bedsit. No. I'm 43, not a 17 year old student. I deserve a lifestyle that makes me comfortable. Why should my W expect to live in a grand house, on my money? Double standards, as long as it suits them.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Are you sure your W and my W aren't the same person? I got the same line about why didn't I just live in a bedsit. No. I'm 43, not a 17 year old student. I deserve a lifestyle that makes me comfortable. Why should my W expect to live in a grand house, on my money? Double standards, as long as it suits them.
Yea, I just hand over everything I worked my adult life for and start again. Aye, right.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Complain and you get a spewfest about not caring about the children, says the W who doesn't understand how much a life on her own is going to cost, with no discernable income.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Complain and you get a spewfest about not caring about the children, says the W who doesn't understand how much a life on her own is going to cost, with no discernable income.
Read GB's post above. And besides. Why is this our problem? I mean, we got fired, right? So why worry about the WW? My problem is my problem and it doesn't compliment her problem so? Not lying down here. Not going to appease her. We are no longer team NDY.
Trust me on this. I know WW's are unpredictable but she will, and I know this try again to buy me out.
If I put a figure in front of her face today she would beg borrow and steal to come up with the goods. But, I would need to give her that figure. I don't see it like that. I see that the open market just may well be a better option for me which gives me options with S9.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I know the market has gone up a bit, but as you know, here in jolly old Scotland, our bit of the UK is still languishing behind. I don't know about the west, but here in the east, they are building new builds with enormous incentives that would make buying our house an unattractive option. W seems to think we'll be out in four weeks! Dream on.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I know the market has gone up a bit, but as you know, here in jolly old Scotland, our bit of the UK is still languishing behind. I don't know about the west, but here in the east, they are building new builds with enormous incentives that would make buying our house an unattractive option. W seems to think we'll be out in four weeks! Dream on.
Kinda the same here. I have access to all that kind of data and it can take a while. But we will see.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I'm glad to be reading this thread today, when my STBX is coming by to get what's left of her things-- and I hope ALL of what's left, so that we will be done with it. I kept thinking about everything I could say to her, but reading this thread and seeing how that long, long "you" letter got cut down to just a brief "I" statment was inspiring.
I don't expect that she will want to talk about anything at all. That's never been her style. But if she does press the matter, then I don't have to say anything more than "I didn't want to get divorced, and I still don't. But I will not stand in your way. And as long as you continue with OM, I will not be your friend." That's it. No blaming, no remonstration, no shaming, no nothing. Just this. But we probably won't talk about anything anyway-- she'll just silently (and quickly) gather her things and go.
My only concern had been that she might bring OM with her to "help move things" (totally unnecessary, as everything is in easy-to-carry boxes). I had, here, too, imagined all the awful names I wanted to call him and bile I wanted to spit at him... but no. None of that. If he shows up with her, then I will just firmly assert "you are not welcome here" and go inside-- refusing to give over the key to move her things from the storage area-- until he is gone. At this point I doubt he would be there, but that's the only thing that I worried about, and this thread has helped me see the simplicity of my response.
I'm glad to be reading this thread today, when my STBX is coming by to get what's left of her things-- and I hope ALL of what's left, so that we will be done with it. I kept thinking about everything I could say to her, but reading this thread and seeing how that long, long "you" letter got cut down to just a brief "I" statment was inspiring.
I don't expect that she will want to talk about anything at all. That's never been her style. But if she does press the matter, then I don't have to say anything more than "I didn't want to get divorced, and I still don't. But I will not stand in your way. And as long as you continue with OM, I will not be your friend." That's it. No blaming, no remonstration, no shaming, no nothing. Just this. But we probably won't talk about anything anyway-- she'll just silently (and quickly) gather her things and go.
My only concern had been that she might bring OM with her to "help move things" (totally unnecessary, as everything is in easy-to-carry boxes). I had, here, too, imagined all the awful names I wanted to call him and bile I wanted to spit at him... but no. None of that. If he shows up with her, then I will just firmly assert "you are not welcome here" and go inside-- refusing to give over the key to move her things from the storage area-- until he is gone. At this point I doubt he would be there, but that's the only thing that I worried about, and this thread has helped me see the simplicity of my response.
Glad you found some solace is this newpand.
Ok, so walking into the dining room and WW is texting OM. She twitched when I walked in but I was cool. I didn't bite. I saw his name on her phone and she knows I saw it.
So what to do with this info? I already knew he was still on the go. Tenacious little feker but hey. Moving on.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
