Hmmm... I will have to work on the inlaw thing seeing how none of them called to say one word (with the exception of W Uncle). Everyone else was NADA. 20 years with these folks and nothing. I have lent money to these people, celebrated births, mourned death, spent countless hours at their house and them at our house.
Maybe I will make this one of my longer term goals - try to keep friendly relationships with former inlaws for the sake of kids.
As for W - she asked if I had kids enrolled in Summer Camp for Thursday and Friday. I replied no and left it at that. I then felt that was not enough of an answer, so I replied, No, no summer camp, we are going to XXXX. She replied if you are leaving for XX can I keep the kids one more day? I replied via text "I am sorry but we have already made other plans."
I am trying to be short, sweet, to the point and the main thing POLITE.
Heavy- I'd like to offer some advice regarding your in-laws.
My situation is pretty unusual in that I have maintained a good relationship with them so far. A few tips for you...
Assume good intent. Yes, they haven't reached out to you. You can look at that as fact their taking sides with your x, or you can look at it as them not knowing what to do or say. In complete fairness, I don't think if I were in my in-laws shoes, I would know what to do.
Regardless of the status of your marriage - they are family with your children and that will always make them your family in some respects. I try to actively think of them that way. It really helps guide decisions.
I continue to acknowledge their birthdays and holidays because its the right think to do and its important to my kids that we do so (and my STBX does not help them with this). And - I'm the one that sets up Facetime chats etc.
Also - I wouldn't assume her family is one monolithic entity. They are individuals - some will probably just assume they need to take a "side:" with her - but others may take a more nuanced view.
Feeling unsure over what is going to happen next - I have never done this before. I review the letter today from my L and he will send it out tonight. He has sheduled a date at court. I am truly hoping that we can settle the major items before we have a court date.
Once my W reads this - of course she will be furious as she told me to wait 6 months or so so she can save up money for her attorney. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about this. As I stated the other day to W, you filed for divorce from me remember?
I didn't not tell her what my plans are keep the attorney or return to mediation. We left it kind of up in the air. She has already told me she has no money for an attorney and wants me to wait for 6 months so she can save up enough money to hire one.
I am going to STFU on all D talk, between her and my L. She was gleeful almost yesterday telling me - I am divorcing you, I am divorcing you, get it through your head. I am in a new relationship now. I said "I hear you." She has been saying this for months and months. I finally said "Yes, I get it, I hear you."
I don't get why she has to be so freaking mean about the whole thing. The lies, on top of the lies, why does she still feel the need to still lie about it. It's over (almost).
One more night until kids arrive - house is prepped and I have been working on finances and spreadsheet so I am prepared for L. I don't know how this will turn out in the end, but I think I have the strength now and clarity to go through with this process. This DB Board has been so helpful and have gotten me through some of worst moments of my life. Really.
Fingers crossed that I can withstand this. Once again, I did not ask for this or want this, but this is reality.
I wonder if WAW will ever think back and realiaze what she has thrown away? Probably not but again, cheeseless tunnels.
Sending you a big hug Heavy. That all sounds awful but you're handling it with grace and respect for yourself.
You can withstand it, and more I'm sure.
It sounds like your W is telling herself over and over that she's D'ing you, as she herself can't believe it. As mean as you may feel she is being, she must be hurting inside too. It's a big stretch but trying to have a bit of empathy for her may make it easier on you as well.
You're doing a great job, and should be proud of yourself.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I will try this apporach, yes they are all individuals so I should treat them as such. I want me kids to keep up their relationship with their grandmother and cousin as much as possible.
I actually did FaceTime with my MIL last night for about a minute. She flew into town and she said Hi and said Hello. We made some pleasant small talk and that was that. Maybe just baby steps.
I know you are in a very difficult place. However, just remind yourself of this. The way things are now is not the way they will always be. I can't tell you what they will be (my crystal ball is broken and sometimes I wish I had one!:. Things are always changing.
Be cordial. Think about what example you are setting for you children and let that help guide some of your actions. They are watching you. I know this high road is treacherous (it has pot holes, no street lights, etc). However, when you *relax* a bit and do what you think is best, you will have a much easier time. You don't have to decide what the future looks like. It will present itself in due time.
Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
One day at a time, that's all any of us really have. I will try to relax more and be present in situations more. Mediation sounds like a good idea now.
My STBXW seems very upset that I have "cut her out of her life". That seemed like a strange comment. She is also very upset the I blocked her on FB.
Does this strike anyone as immature? Who cares about freaking FB?
Why does she care if I have "cut her from my life." That was her choice when she fired me.
I am interpreting that to mean, I no longer answer the majority of her texts or phone calls - unless it's about the kids. I don't call her or text unless it's about kids stuff.
This feels like pursuit and distance to me. I am not pursuing. If she feels so upset about it, why does she continue down this D path?
Is this too many why's? Probably, I guess I will never know why. Inconsistency really bothers me. I am a professional and logical person. I deal in black and white all day long. I made "deals" with vendors all day long. I negotiate with clinets all day long. I don't wonder what their motivations are so I guess I have to lump my STBXW into this category and just not worry about the behind the scences aspects of it?
She repeats that I don't value her as a person but only as a wife. I don't know how to respond to that statement.
How about - I do value you as an independent person who is 100% responsible for her feelings, emotions and behaviors regardles of the status of our relationship.
Heavy, I'm right there with you on the social media stuff. My STBX is still upset about the people who have unfollowed her on Instagram. Really? That's what you're upset about!
Hang in there! We're all rooting for you.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
