It is clear in your writing that you still want this M and to repair. WW is unhappy and crying, let her do that, let her work her sitch. It could be the neighbours cat died or she saw a sad movie. Let that be.
The meals out, I would not veto all of them for the sake of your kids. Pick your restaurant, something light breezy and fun, where you can get up to collect salad or refill drinks. You can choose if you like and ask W to join you at the restaurant, oh and yes you are doing this for your kids! You can be clear on that.
Smart and casual so you look amazing! That is happening? Becoming the man only a fool would leave, with aftershave, haircut and a big smile.
If you are not strong enough then just say 'next time'. Plan to travel in your own car to meet at the restaurant and leave slightly early if needs be. No alcohol and relax, oh and did I say smile? Play a heart warming tune before you go in. Sit between the kids, oh and did I say smile? I did? Oh I thought I forgot to say smile.
So how would you be with a friendly neighbour?
Your leg has just been run over, your tv went on the blink, the washing machine needs repair, there is a leak in the loo and your car won't start. Friendly neighbour says 'hi, how are you?'
What do you say?
Your neighbour opposite had his cat run over and it's at the vets.
What do you say?
The guy in the bar you swap baseball stories with just won a holiday in a competition.
What do you say?
Your coworkers daughter is appearing as a guest on a talent show on TV.
What do you say?
How do you say it? Do you look at them and smile as you say it?
One trick U, my IC advised me if it's hard to look WW in the eyes or gaze at her face (replace WH for me) then either stare between their eyebrows or defocus on their face by looking at a spot on the wall behind them in the middle of their back. Speak from the centre of your chest, oh and smile it gives warm to the voice. If WW is sitting sit, if standing stand. Say what you need to say wait 5 secs if you get no answer move on smiling. Be ready to move on quickly. If they say I am well then answer that's good to know. If you get a whine, validate (Wonkas cheat sheet) then move on.if you get a rant STFU and walk away.
My interactions with H eased off greatly when I set myself some behavioural targets. I was dealing with aggression not emotional blackmail (crying). I will find that for you from one of my early threads. You can ignore it if it's not useful.
Smile
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
