The final push

[Painter]

We've been to the mediators but there function is to facilitate the separation.

Is this a private or public service? It sounds like they were more legal facilitators than relationship counselors?
I was thinking about a counselor that can help you navigate the situation you are in right now - where you want to have a time-out and work to see if you can save your marriage, and she wants to continue her affair and divorce. It's going to be filled with conflict, and I would probably have sent a message that asked her to see someone who can help you navigate these two different stances. If you can find a MC who is familiar with DB, it could perhaps be a beam of light through the fog...

I walked into counseling with an H who was negative to counselors in general, just went because I wanted to, spent the first several sessions spewing old resentment at me, and then started talking about how 'intuitive' the counselor was, stopped for the most part complaining, and became more and more positive with each session. And our MC is not giving him an easy time!