Interesting exchange in this thread. It's somewhat caused me to question things the last few days and I may or may not do a small letter or comment such as yours in the future just because I'm not sure if I really have stated it clearly from a place of strength. I also don't think I have said "won't live in an open M, OM" talk. But to my W it's not about OM, she left me and then tried to go after OM so maybe I don't need to say anything further. She didnt decide she wanted a D until she told him she had strong feelings for him, so it still was a major factor. I did tell her I felt it was cheating, and a friend has told her it was even if she won't admit it to herself, so I guess I'm done talking about OM with her.
I feel like my W might be in the same boat someday though, too stubborn to admit wrongs if she even had those feelings and may not think I could even forgive her. Part of me wants to at least get the thought planted it MIGHT be possible to make the M work, but depends on the effort out in.
I guess to me it's just all conflicting. We give our WAS/WW a letter like this telling them we are still willing to work on the M. To me it seems like we keep temp checking over and over,if we told them in the beginning once something like "divorce is not what I want but will not stand in your way" why would we continue to say it. To me it would just look (to the WAS) like we are standing in their way. We can't accept it's happening and have to keep reminding them were still here waiting for them to come back and work on things. How can they experience our loss if we keep reminding them we will be here to fix it at the end no matter what. A letter like this would have been great in the beginning but I feel sometimes we want to continue to say things we should have or already have said to them.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
