gan 7 - Ants Marching

[gan]

NVC practice group this evening. Tonight I was on the receiving end of the "empathy shower" while others practiced giving me empathy. I decided to open up about my sitch a bit, mostly because the other lady on the call was in the early stages of break up and I figured she might find it useful to hear someone who is further along in the process talk about their experiences. It was an interesting experience...being given the space to talk about my own journey while having others "take guesses" at how I might be feeling.

Me: Sometimes I feel like I live a double life. This past year has been the hardest ever on a personal front, but its not the kind of thing that I talk about at work.
Facilitator (NVC practitioner): hmmm....sounds like you feel a bit conflicted because you want to be more authentic?
Me: Yes, authentic...that's a good word for it. I feel like I'm not being authentic.
(later)
Me: There's a sadness there, but also hope...for myself...that didn't exist before.
Facilitator: hmmm...sounds like a strange thing to say, but it almost sounds like you are enjoying learning about yourself through this experience?
Me: Mmmm....I don't know if enjoyment is the right word...but yes I suppose there is a sense of fulfilment and there is joy in feeling like that yes.

The facilitator explained how the natural inclination to want to jump in and offer suggestions or relate our own experiences, often comes from our own discomfort at seeing other people feel sad etc. We want to relieve the other person's sadness, so we don't feel so uncomfortable.

That struck a chord with me. My H would sometimes say that he feels like he couldn't be sad because of the way I responded to him when he conveyed his sadness. In those moments, he was just looking for empathy.....not a way out of his sadness.