It made me think of our WAS's. I always assumed they were in a fog so thick they couldn't see out of it. Now I'm realizing it's possible they do get the entire sitch better than we think, but they don't want to have to let go of the addiction.
Good discussion.
When I originally posted this is was meant as a tool to help with detachment. When we think our WAS's are in a fog it comes with an 'expectation' that they will snap out of it someday. When we consider maybe they know exactly what they are doing and they just don't intend to change...that's when we look in the mirror and ask why we're clinging to the rope.
As for the LBS script and/or LBS fog...I think co-dependency is a BIG deal for many LBS's. Specifically the need to control and be in control of our WAS, the sitch, everything. Maybe from a fear of not being ok on our own, or not being worthy of love, or whatever.
I'm NOT talking about a healthy desire for a lasting M based on beliefs...because frankly that desire isn't emotionally based, it's belief based. That's what keeps people walking this path long after their positive feelings have left, and even when some negative feelings have surfaced in their place.
No, I'm talking about the need to control. I think about AA, and how spouses of alcoholics spend their life trying to manage their partners drinking. I've never had to go through that and always thought it was pretty crazy. It seems so obvious to say "you can't stop them from drinking, just get the heck away from Dodge and take care of yourself". Yet it seduces millions.
But now I see how entwined we get with our spouses. So many LBS's are so fixated on their WAS's coming out of the fog. And so fixated on their WAS's bad behavior. But maybe we chose spouses that behaved poorly in an attempt to marry down because we figured they wouldn't leave us, or that they'd need us so much they'd let us be controlling, or it would take focus off our problems.
I really urge all LBS's to remain humble. We were doing the dance with the WAS's, we just had and continue to have different roles. Feelings are misleading and change a lot for a long time. I think the key is to stop dancing and be patient. Easy to say. But not so easy to do.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
