So sad that I can't even think !!

[RosaLinda]

I'm glad you're pondering all of this Cindy, and hope having so much advice thrown at you isn't overwhelming you. How are you doing this evening?

I think our goals are supposed to be things WE can control (like boundaries )

You listed your goals as:

• I would like him home for x-mas
• I would like to be able to go for dinner even if still separated
• I would like to be able to do fun things together-go to the movie or fishing even if still separated.
• I would like for him to call/text me to chat about our day not just a good day or goodnight

While those are lovely aspirations, whether or not your H comes home for Christmas or calls you to chat really aren't things you can control.

But you can use this time apart from your H for your own personal, social, spiritual, and emotional growth. And I think you'll find that developing a healthier, more loving relationship with yourself will help you in your other relationships, including your relationship with your H.

A personal goal could be something as simple as inviting your girls out to lunch this week. Can you see the difference between that and having the goal that your daughters will invite you out? One you can control, the other you cannot.

Or you could endeavor to walk around the block three times a week, or cut out that third cup of coffee (horrors, not me!)

Or you could work on things like discovering your own relationship needs and wants.

After a lot of soul searching and denial, I realized that my own marriage was an unhealthy codependent relationship in which I was the rescuer-fixer. I've set personal goals of trying not to interfere, of letting my ex (and kids and everyone else in my life) make their own mistakes, and reap the consequences of their actions. It isn't easy LOL

And I have goals like always treating people how I'd like to be treated, listening more than I speak (a HARD one for me), and being grateful for all the good things in my life.

I hope this doesn't sound too preachy. I didn't mean it that way. And I hope you get a good night's rest.