I think at some point in our marriage I became insecure or not good enough because he would make fun of me or put me down in front of people and yeah some was in good fun but after awhile it gets old. Anyway I need to find d myself again my confidence if I don't this M won't be fixed on my end. I need to let H be his individual and I need to be strong enough to be mine.
Its been two days since I last heard from H. H was actually nice two days ago and then wham.
So the way I understand DBing is to let H contact or WAS contact us. We do not make contact unless it has to do financially or child? So I have not made any contact as I am good in both areas right now. So am I correct in just letting it go and H will contact me when he is ready?
I am still wanting to text to make sure that he know that I care and am not ignoring him.
Do you have a need to contact him? Is it an emergency? If the answers are no, then don't contact him. You should only contact him if you need to discuss finances, the children and their needs/activities/visitation or it's an emergency. How will he ever miss you if you contact him?
Leave him be. Why ruin your day when you aren't sure if you will get Jekyll or Hyde on the other end of the line. When he needs or wants something from you, he'll contact you. However, until then, live your life as if he's gone to the moon and won't be back for a while.
BTW, your h knows that you care and love him. As for ignoring him...that's his problem...you are busy living life, a life that he's not wanting to be a part of for some time. If he wants to be involved in your life, it's got to be full time and none of this hit and miss stuff. If he truly wants back into your life, he'll find a way to do it.
Try to remember, that the more you tell him that you love and care about him, the less inclined he will be to work on himself and will remain status quo.
Dbing, detachment, dim, dark, last resort technique, they are all tools to help YOU. They are not tools to be used to snap him out of his pixie dust state. He has to be the one to fix himself, he has to be the one to look at his issues, accept that he wasn't at a fault for many of those things that transpired long ago and accept himself for who he is today. He can't do that if you are trying to fix him and the situation. He won't learn the lessons that he needs to learn if you are there trying to fix things for him.
Keep the focus on you and your child. This is one time that you can't fix his problem.
Good advice job. When they want back in we will know.
It's hard skhdive. We want to fix it and move on but this isn't about us. I talked with my coach today and we discussed what if my husband doesn't come home all summer.
So what it's just the summer and I can use all that time to do the things I want to do for me. We also talked about how long this process can be and how important it is to set goals.
I am having rough time the last day or so. Haven't heard from H in three days which through out this process it has only been a day or two at most that I wouldn't get a text from him.
It seemed things were going a little better with him coming over and doing some work around house etc. now this seems like a step or two backward and I haven't done anything different.
I want to contact him - I know I shouldn't so I am posting here.
Just can't figure out what happened and know also that I won't!
What happens is that they do go dark for days and even weeks and/or months...but they always contact you when they need or want something. He may be testing you to see if you will actually weaken and contact him. That would fill up his ego kibble bit tray because he would then know you are still there waiting on him.
Your h is a grown man and doesn't need you to worry about him. When he's ready, trust me, he'll contact you. Continue as you have been, keep the focus on you, find things to occupy your mind and time. When you take the focus off him and put it back on you, that's when the winds of change will shift.
Continue as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
