I am so sorry to hear this. Your client/boss doesn't sound like a caring and easy person to work for. I do hope that you can find another job quickly and it is one that you enjoy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had huge expectations when I took the position I have and never thought I'd be in a where I may HAVE to find something else so soon after moving far from home.
Anyway, I realized how losing this job may not be the worst thing in the world. I was forced to look at what I really want.
offers a free online mission statement builder.
has some great, free online advice for job hunting.
I think the key, for me, was to take the situation and put myself in the driver's seat...no matter how much it felt like I was being victimized.
One thing...the possible rejection from this company really struck a nerve for me. It brought up feelings of rejection from my marriage. I had to face those honestly and remind myself that many, many people have lost their jobs and gone on to find better situations, more suited to their talents.
Last edited by Cristy; 07/10/1507:29 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other websites/businesses/authors
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I think you should definitely subscribe to the daily e-mails from Charlayne Cares because that's the SECOND TIME IN A ROW that what you wrote was answered on the SAME DAY YOU WROTE IT...God bless,
Gerda
Thanks for your encouragement Gerda. I have signed up for both of the daily emails.
An update. I spoke to W last week to let her know that I lost my job. She listened but was distracted. As soon as I hung up I saw why. She quickly texted me with a suggestion for dealing with child support.
W let me know that she continues to be sick, and last week went thru 3 hours of tests at the hospital. She is having a difficult time breathing, cannot keep any food down (I suggested she eat some meat instead of her recently baked quinoa (vegetable) cookies - she laughed.) She was also very disappointed that after not being able to eat for a week and a half, she only lost a half pound. (smile.)
The tests came back and besides a uti, everything else was related to stress. Interestingly, she told her doctor that her stress is tied into the stress I was having b/c of the loss of a job. She did say that it was her "ex-husband's" stress though we are still married. Whatever.
When I picked up s13 on Thursday after his last day of school, W gave me a hug. She called me "love". We spoke for a bit about d17's end of her high school career. Everything was all pleasant and good. Then she stepped out into the hallway with me, and had a question about the child support and life insurance. Hmm, extra nice if she wants something from me. It is so clear to me now.
I understand the stress about finances she is facing. She has still not received the decent state tax refund (which was supposed to be sent several weeks ago), now the possibility of waiting for child support, and it all is out of her control. Although I no longer have the desire to try and fix this for her, I still feel sympathy/empathy even after 2 years of separation.
A weekend update in Wetville. I had s13 since Thursday. We had a very good time together - he had 3 baseball games, and he is playing well and so is his team. We hung out, played video games, and I started reading the Gospel of Mark to him - which has short easy stories I hope is a good fit for him.
But tonight's game was a different story. W was going to be there so that s13 could go home with her. When she arrived, the chaos started.
W started out by telling me "she was in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital all of today." When I asked her what she was doing here at the game, she clarified - W was at the hospital ICU b/c om had a heart attack this morning.
W assured me that om was a 44 year old man who was an athlete for most of his life, so he will be fine. I asked "but he's in the ICU?" She was convinced that he would be ok, and she didn't even have her phone with her when she sat down next to me.
How do you prepare for a convo about the om having a heart attack? I thought I was in a good emotional place when W arrived, but of course, I was thrown off balance by this discussion. So I listened, only spoke in response to something she said, looked her in her eyes, and let her talk.
W didn't give many details about om's heart attack, but since she was still dressed in her bathing suit I assume they were at the pool together. She shared that om had the heart attack while she was with him. W's mind was racing, and she brought several things in rapid order, like she should change her health care directive, so I don't make decisions about whether or not she lives (this was said light-heartedly), and she also told me that I had to get a vaccination against pneumonia. I thanked her for her concern.
I asked about W's closest gf who is having drinking and mental health issues, and W was going to get her into rehab last Thursday. W was not able to get gf into rehab. W's mindset is revealed here, she said "I am a curse to everyone I care about."
We spoke about our kids, other family and friends, and the convo was good, light, easy. Until I mentioned that I recently had lunch with my bf, and he is having stomach issues. This is when W made her outrageous statement of the day - W tells me, your bf and me are so much alike. I let out an audible guffaw. She went on "it is b/c we both care so much for other people." I said "no".
My bf is a saint, a man of character, who has a kind heart, is always interested in what is going on in our friend's lives, and has made sure to call me several times a week during my separation. W is not like this, especially in the sense that while she wants to help others, she rarely is able to actually have the follow thru. I was angry for sometime after she made this comment.
During the game, I was encouraging all of the kids for both teams, my comments when we spoke about issues of our mutual friends was caring and understanding, and I supported and listened to W (except for the one little bump about my bf.) But W is clearly focused on om right now, and today I'm ok with this.
I was reading an article in some rag the other day about the McEnroe/O'Neal family. The son recently wrote a book about his "dysfunctional" family. In it, he made mention of how stable his father was during all of the drama of divorce. He also mentioned his mom and what a wreck she was/is and how they managed to forge a relationship anyway. That kid had a rough go of it for quite a while.
I thought of you. Seems a superstar can have some good qualities as a parent and still have a life, no?
I know plenty of guys in a similar boat, if that helps.
As for the other stuff going on. Are you in a place where you wish OM well? I don't wish him bad, but I don't wish him well either, and I don't even know your wife, for what it's worth. I honestly believe that things happen in life. God may or may not put pressure on us at various times or just may not intervene.
But I'm reading the above and thinking how messed up your W is. i.e. she is putting on a front, but there seems to be an open in the circuit.
I'd say your wife needs to live these calamities and work out how to do it for herself.
I'd suggest standing far back and being a friend from a distance. I do encourage you to be a friend, but see the bigger picture. Stand or not, now's not the time to be close other than as a friend and let her work these things out for herself. It's part of her growth from what I can see and you'll get in the way if "too" close.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thank you AJ. It's funny how life throws us curveballs we could never imagine coming our way. om having a heart attack? They didn't prepare me for this in our marriage prep course.
I am handling this well, if I do say so myself. I do not wish the om harm. I say an occasional prayer for him, that he be blessed with a R with someone else, someone who is available, or that he be blessed with lotsa work, just that he stop interfering in our marriage.
I have not snooped to see what W is posting on FB about this. I was a little tempted just to see what om looks like, but I've staid away so far. -------------- S13 had another game tonight. W texted me to see if I could bring him back to W's place when the game was over. W had to leave the game by 6:45. I agreed without asking what was going on or any q's.
When I got to the game W was there on one side of the field. I stopped by and said "hi". We discussed d17 finally getting her final high school project in. I did not ask how W was doing, or how om was doing (after yesterday's heart attack) - these topics were none of my concern. Then W was on her phone texting, giving it her full attention for several minutes, and so I excused myself, and I went to the other side of the field to sit down.
I sent texts to d19 while I was over there, realizing how this would look. When it was time to leave she came over and gave me a hug (why?) and asked about why I needed my upcoming surgery. I told her, and she left.
Oh, and btw, s13's team won beating the 2nd place team, and he played well again. A 180 for me, I was striking up convo's with some of the other parents and that was fun. And it was a gorgeous night.
Ok, I guess I am a normal LBH as I feel good to learn that om has problems. I had intel on om fall into my lap last night. D20 told me that she was not surprised to hear that om had a heart attack on Sunday. "He is an alcoholic", d20 told me when she saw him recently with W and the other kids he was falling down drunk, he tried "to put a hand on my shoulder and I flung it off". And he kept acting like he was everyone's best buddy.
But d20 also said om is taking care on mom, and is nice to her.
It is funny how our minds work when thinking of op. My W tells me om is 44 years old and a former athlete and I think of him as some sort of person that I cannot compete with. But W and I have 22 years of marriage together, and 4 children together, and a real history together of good times and bad that om can't touch. And hearing he is an alcoholic, shows he has other issues that he is dealing with. Add in the heart attack, and he seems like a paper tiger to me.
Call me weird but this is the first real ray of light that I have had that there is a slim bit of hope for our marriage, since the BD 2 years ago.
People tend to affair down, which is odd, I would think they were really trying to get someone hotter than the left behind spouse.
I am certainly not trying to rain on you hopefulness but I don't see anything that would make a difference. If it isn't this guy, it is a different guy. It doesn't have her coming back to you because he is a drunk or that he had a heart attack. Until she says I want to try our marriage again and actually shows that she is sincere, there are just breadcrumbs she may be tossing to keep you interested in her.
Keep working on your own life.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, yes, of course you are correct. B/c W has dated so much, and this is the one guy who she has stuck with for over 6 months now, I know they have some sort of special connection. But it still hurts when our children have to be around om. My mind is still in the place where I think it is some sort of competition, which it is not.
W just called - she is having a difficult time with s13 and she wants me to take him for a week. He is being disrespectful. disobedient, and otherwise a normal teenage kid. With me working from home, I am happy to have him around, so I agreed.
Ok, I asked W "why do you think s13 is acting out now?"
W did not answer my question and instead gave me a laundry list of "bad" things he had done. She wants me to straighten him out. Let's see if I can find things to do to get us out of the apartment, without spending an arm or a leg.
Oh, and I scheduled my 2nd spine surgery for July 1st. I'm not looking forward to this.
Ok, am I being played here? I saw d17 today, brought her over to my parents for lunch, and then saw a movie together (Avengers, Age of Ultron, it's awesome.) We had a nice time together.
So I mentioned to my parents that "W's significant other had a heart attack this past Sunday." I don't know why I brought it up, but I did. So d17 corrected me - she said "om" is just a friend of W, and he has a lot of problems that W is helping him get thru.
Last October, W told me she had someone special in her life. And then when W recently brought this om around our kids she said it was b/c they had been seeing each other for over 6 months.
I trust d17 and her telling me that om is just a friend. D17 is the closest child around W these days, and she sees more than anyone else. And this is consistent with W still being on the dating websites.
I don't know what's going on here, and why W would try and make om appear to me something more than he really is. Hey, at least I get to finally understand the DB mantra - believe none of what they say, and half of what they do. I thought my W was a different one, but it looks like I am wrong.
