RD Movin on 7

[rd500]

Hi Toots. You looked very becoming in the onesie !!!!

The validation went like this ,

EXW. This wasn't all my fault , if you hadn't worked so hard this never would have happened

Rd. Your right , I put the business first an now I realise money is t everthing.

EXW. I'm the bad guy because I left and you turned into Mr wonderful. , the best dad in the world

Rd. I can't argue , I could have helped a lot more

EXW. This never should have got this far and now I have nothing and I'm living in a one bedroom flat on my own while you live in a six bedroom house with the children

Rd. I see what your saying and I can't change the past

EXW. Why do you always have to be so calm ( voice raised ) your dealing with the house and kids like it's easy

Rd. It's certainly not easy and I now realise what work goes into running a home

EXW. Yours always so agreeable !!!!!!!

Rd. Only if I agree !!!

EXW. I e got to go bye. Phone slammed down

EXW called in tonight after work and looked distraught , she had obviously been crying She came in just as I was serving the Sunday roast , she walked I. , D11 and I were serving up ( I was serving and D11 was stopping the cats trying to steal the ham ! ). I said hello EXW and she said hello , she hugged D11 for about 2 mins , I asked her if she had a good day , she said NO ! And went on today to D11 that she wasn't sure when she would see her again , I asked why she wasn't coming tomorrow during the day and EXW looked relieved and said she would be here in the morning to see both Ds. She then left crying

Normally I would have followed her out to the front and asked her if she was ok but today I continued serving the dinner

I just got a text from EXW saying she is sorry for upsetting everyone and she is not handing this well and wished us a nice evening

I did not reply

Take care. Rd xxx.

[Vanilla]

WW is having a pity party. Let her work through this.

If she needs IC then that is her choice. SIL will be important to WW.

RD, you may have played your part in the past but today dear one you are stronger, more realistic and are standing for your M and for yourself.

Hugs

V

[Pink17]

Hi sweet Rd,

First... for the party, no animal print for me, I like pink, lace and shinning stuff, so I will try my imagination.

Second... What a hell time you are going through RD. Amazing as it is I feel for your wife. It's very hard to feel alone, H is always busy with business, work. Kids are very demanding, life never stops or slow down around kids, you are always on the go.

Then comes menopause, low sex drive. We are always so exhausted from the routine. The beauty start disappearing.

It's not RD's 100% fault, it's not wife's 100% fault, it's not the kid's fault... it's life that goes in too many directions at the same time.

Some people will be faithful to their principals, they will hang in there and think that tomorrow will be a better day and things will get all better.

And then there are others that jump on the first train without even knowing where it is taking them.

Does your wife have any faith? Does she believe in anything? It sometimes helps a lot.

I think you are doing right RD. I know it is very hard to take all what they are throwing on us at this moment, but eventually it will go in the right or wrong direction.

She has a lot to digest, to resolve and I still think that this STUPID OM is really taking advantage on her vulnerability. He is a sick person himself and nothing good can come from there. It's already very hard for a balanced person to handle and help someone like him, I image that your wife is in a very bad shape to help anyone.

The fact that she is talking about the house and her rights of this and that sounds like she did talk to the Idiot and his sister and maybe they said something in order to open her eyes to what are her right with her house, her kids, etc.

Maybe it is not, but it really smells like she can't really have a straight forward personal opinion, and she is adopting someone else's opinion.

What SIL thinks about the OM/ At some point someone will stop seeing this as just a very nice OM that needs help. Her life is a hell since she got involved with that monster.

So RD, good for you. You are putting some distance between you and her and are protecting yourself at some level, and most important trying to protect your kids that do not need anymore of her crying, depression, anxiety.

RD, it's difficult but it will pass. I don't know what the law says about M, D or S in Ireland. I think it is a little easier here.

Take care RD, hope you feel better. And don't get yourself wrapped up in so much disillusion. Think that one day you may be sitting with us somewhere, drinking that cold beer and talking about funny stuff.

Smile, the world is made of bad and good stuff, bad and good people, bad and good food, bad and good love. The choice is ours.

Love,
Pink

[rd500]

Thanks Pink. I'm really struggling at the moment and it was great to read your words.

Take care. Rd

[SunnyB]

RD, sorry I missed the onesie sleep party. I was out of town. And sorry XW seems to be on a roll right now. I hope she calms down a bit, gives you some peace. You deserve it.

[bravo61]

hey RD,
just a question. it seems as if your wife wants to lay all her problem at your feet as if you are her gay boyfriend.

when this happens, have you ever just asked her if she wants you to listen or actually wants advice.

the reason i ask is if a neighbor CONSTANTLY laid their problems at our feet, would you, or any of us, continually subject ourselves to that negativity.

i am really proud of your patience with her as i would have told her long ago that this is what she wanted.

best of luck and praying for you.

[Sotto]

Hi RD, I think steady within yourself is key just now. The rock, and your W is seaweed tossed around by waves. Steady and detached. Do you respond to all of W's 'I'm so unhappy communications?' I just wonder whether it may be worth not responding unless it is about family stuff? Don't act on my advice, but I just wonder whether responses feed it further? Anyway - no big decisions....steady on your own path. W is unsteady, but on her own path just now. ((((rd))))

[rd500]

Hi Toots. No I'm only responding to texts about kids now. I got four yesterday all completely unneeded They were short and to the point but could have been sent to the kids themselves instead of me. I answered short but polite.

I thought I was more detached than this but I'm really finding it hard I hope time will help

Bravo. I have offered advice but she doesn't seem to want it I told her last week that was it over re our friendship.



Take care. Rd

[Pink17]

Hi sweet RD,

I think it is all a big mess right now. Your W does not have a straight direction and is bringing everyone to tea time in hell.

Many times I need to concentrate my thinking in what is my goal in this whole confusion. The goal here is to make yourself a better man that only a fool would leave.

So, RD have been working on that and W is observing some if not all your changes. It makes her think about the bad she built up for a long time, and now she sees something that makes her think "What if".

By other hand there should be a very selfish determination on your W's brain. So, the fact that you are holding the family together and is not calling the firefighters every other day and there is no police at your door by sunday night, makes her feel miserable. She is not needed and this is probably blowing her mind.

Besides the fact that she has the "Monsters" on her ears. And who knows if they got close to her because you have a solid life. Some people really take advantage on others. And now, when they have a desperate woman that is struggling to get her life together, then it could be that they are driving her crazy now, telling her that she has some rights and deserve better.

Now get all this and put inside one unbalanced person, with a lot of depression and anxiety and maybe some MLC effect mixed up with menopause flashes and you have "OPEN HELL" and all the side effects with it.

I think that RD is doing what he can to survive this time in his life. Holding the family together, keeping up with a very busy life demand with 4 children. It's not easy RD, doctor's apt, dentist, eye doctor, sports events, school, sleep overs, cleaning, washing, cooking, grocery store, shopping, pink flowers for the hair, motorcycle for the boys.

You are doing it all and you should be very proud of yourself. Yes you made mistakes, you didn't do all what you could have done in your M, but you are not the one that left. You are the brave one that need to stand up, feel the pain and endure the hard work.

You should feel proud of yourself because someone is blaming you for making money, developing a business. You are not being blamed for being a lazy ass siting like a couch potato. Be proud of yourself that even when you W told you she did not want to have sex because of her issues, you did not stepped out of the door and looked for someone else.

You should be proud of yourself for being the moral and psychological support for you children. For not leaving them to their on lucky. For giving them a chance to have a decent future knowing that no matter how much pain is in your heart, you are the save port to come back.

You should be proud of yourself for not closing down your business and feel sorry for yourself, close the window and drawn yourself in self pity and depression.

I am sure there is a strong man inside you, there is a person with a giant heart and a lot of compassion for 4 little people that did not ask for all this trouble.

I am sure that this man is capable of feeling love and know how to give love. A man that can endure the challenges that life shoot at us with no mercy.

I am sure that you are a man that will smile tomorrow, that will see the real color of the tress and flowers in spring, that will ride a bike and feel the smell of the wind, that will walk beside his kids with his head high knowing that the job is well done.

A man that can sit down and drink a beer with his son and talk about girls, or will cuddle at night to put his little princess to sleep, and will take the hard work of giving some tea to a young lady during her painful periods.

Don't ever put yourself down, don't ever lose this value for yourself, don't ever get yourself into the big mess that someone else brought to your life.

Be compassionate, be patient, be understanding...and be you, protect yourself, be distant, respect yourself and give yourself enough space to have a decent life.

It took me quite a while to understand that I have no control over what my H is doing but I have control over my own life. That it hurt now, but there will be tomorrow and it will be better or worse depending on what we choose to do for ourselves.

Let you W do what she needs to do and keep moving forward RD. It's one day at a time, if not one hour at a time. You can do it with grace and respect.

Breath and believe that this torment is not going to last forever. You are very admired in this board. you show a lot of dignity. You deserve better and you will get there.

I think about you every day, many, many times during the day. I always hope that if it is for your happiness, that life will find the way to control the outcome and will put your wife together with you again.

You know that I am a faithful person, and I pray every day and every night for God to show our paths and give us the life we deserve.

I still don't know why you feel the gap in my heart, why there is so much caring for someone with no name and no face. Why when the pain hits hard, is the one to come to my thinking and then make me smile and dissipate the pain. Since I have my faith, I put this in God's hands and ask for wisdom and guidance in our lives.

Every time you feel sad or you are very down on yourself, think about the crazy things you did in your life, they are inside of you and they can be the energy to get you moving.

Smile RD, you still have a lot to live for.

With lots and lots of kisses and hugs for you and the kiddos,
Pink

PS.: Love the image of you guys trying to get the cat away from the ham. It was hilarious. Other day I got some Italian salami to make a sandwich for lunch and my dog got he whole package and ate it in about two bites.

Love,
Pink

[Sotto]

Pink, that was a lovely post, and I agree with every word of it. RD, I hope you will read and read again, and then keep moving forward.

(((rd)))