hold on! - 10

[u-turn]

Thanks V, I am a facebook novice - I hardly ever go on it, but this came across my e-mail too - I don't think she is sending me a request, but it was just interesting that we are only a couple of degrees off of each other's lives. W unfriended me a couple months ago, so I don't see her stuff. I do have a feeling the A will go nowhere, but their friends with benefits arrangement may. I cannot allow myself to be involved with that. (W & OM both are trying to play happy family - and OMW is in the dark). I have spoken to my IC about the burden that I feel that I am carrying about OMW - she just tells me that I have enough to concern myself about - let that go for now.
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I didn't expect that kind of support from my mom - and a hug from her too - holy-moly. I also didn't expect that I would ever want that either.
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As far as invitations go, it is not like we are doing anything as a family these days. No day trips, no beach, no hikes. The kids are mostly doing their own things with their friends, S17 works a lot. I normally make dinner for myself and the kids and if W chooses to join us, she can. What I have been declining is going out to eat with them. This used to be a fun thing we did, but I have been declining. W takes the kids then. I think this may be petty, but it is the only family fun thing we would be doing right now - and I don't know what to do about it - I don't want to lose ground.

So - U-turn thinks by going out to dinner with his W and kids, that he is going to give the impression to W that everything is alright/on the mend again - maybe. But maybe I am taking the detachment thing too far. I am angry at myself for having to act this way.

Now that school is over, I am working at home with my other business and get to spend a lot of time with the kids - and am very flexible with my time so I can do things with them when they are available and want to.

I don't really think I have the warm neighbor thing down. I do not speak to her in an angry way, I just don't speak to her. I do find myself leaving the room when she enters. We do not exchange texts or e-mails. The only thing we have talked more than a couple sentences about was S21. If communication ever was our issue, it is at an all-time low point right now.

When I was passing through the house last night, I saw my wife face down on the couch crying. I didn't what to do about this (ask what's wrong?) Right away my assumption was that - she must feel really bad about what has happened to our family. But I really don't know what she would be thinking or crying about, and may not like the answer she would give me.

So I ignored and went about my business - as I have been doing for a couple months.

This morning her only words to me was that she was giving the family counselor one more try (FC has not returned calls). This was with the intention of figuring a way to tell the kids and co-parent.

I am angry about what life has become, I am angry at myself for not having some kind of solution, I am angry at W, but I do think this anger is opening my eyes.

In the back of my mind, I have been worried that I will not be able to turn myself around if something changed in my situation. But I know there is something still in me that cares for W (when I saw her crying last night).

Thanks for stopping in