I hope you will stick with the DB board. I noticed the last time that you started several new threads. I think staying on one thread (up to 100 posts) may serve better.
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I had actually visited this forum over a year ago looking for advice concerning my W but quit because I felt as if I was over thinking everything. However, little over a year later and I am beginning to rationalize that it is time to end the marriage or at least set some expectations for it to continue.
The only reason I haven't done anything before now is because of fears listed below... 1. If I set hard guidelines, then she will leave as once before. 2. She will find someone who makes her happy and I fear of having jealously feelings thinking that it should be me leading me into depression. 3. We have a great sex life. I fear that I will not find someone who satisfies me and again, she will share this with someone else and it just seems unfair.
What were the hard guidelines you set that you feel caused her to leave? How did you react to her leaving? What caused her to decide to return?
If your W is wayward, the only thing that will work in your favor are hard guidelines. She has to respect you before she can have the right mindset toward you and the M.
You cannot hold on to her out of fear. She senses it, and she is not attracted to a man who fears what she may do. She sees your fear as a weakness.....which is a major turn-off for a WW. She will also use your fear as means to manipulate.
In order to have any success you must lose the fear of her leaving. The M has already died, or you would not be here the second time. Did you ever read the book? Have you read Cadet's link assignments?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
