So sad that I can't even think !!

[RosaLinda]

I have such a HARD time letting him go so I can do this, I don't know why, I'm usually very strong and now Im so lost and weak. I guess that Im afraid he will forget me for ever and maybe be happier without me. My mind is a hard thing to turn off.

Oh Lord Cindy, please stop being so hard on yourself. You just learned that the man you loved and trusted for 25 years betrayed that trust. Anyone would be reeling.

That's why we are all here on this forum, because the realization that our beloved spouse turned his or her back on us shook us to the core, and made us want to try to preserve our marriages. I think it takes a special kind of person to DB. A loving, loyal, determined kind of person.

I work with a bunch of divorced women, and 75% of those whose husbands cheated on them divorced them immediately, and are still bitter and miserable about it years later. They did not do the "DB" work on themselves, which to me, in essence means to look deep inside yourself, change what needs to be changed (for YOU, not to necessarily win the love of your spouse back), and to make yourself into "the woman only a fool would leave." To be the best you that you can be.

And at the same time that you are doing this work on yourself, to leave your H alone so he can try to figure out what the heck he wants out of life. What is important. If being alone and free is worth giving up 25 years of married life for. I know you are afraid he will forget you, but believe me, he will not. He cannot. In the end he may not choose you, but by then we will get you strong enough to bear that and to move on. And you will realize that you have a second chance at life, a gift most people do not get. Okay?

I sat down last night and tried to do my goal list .....but I couldn't even do that I am trying to apply the 180 beacause in the last 40 days since he left, I realized that I'm not giving him what he needs and nothing has changed exept that we can talk longer calmer but I still rely on him for emotional support which has to stop too. It's the hardest thing I had to do in my entire live, live completely without my best friend. I need all the help I can get.

Asitis' advice about how to choose your goals, 180s and GAL activities is great. Real important. Do you have a goal or two you can share with us? And what else can we help you with? What are you doing to try to detach?