So sad that I can't even think !!

[asitis]

Don't worry about not feeling you are living up to your image of yourself as strong. It normal for even the strongest to take these kind of blows and have difficulties handling them.

I sat down last night and tried to do my goal list .....but I couldn't even do that

I am trying to apply the 180 beacause in the last 40 days since he left, I realized that I'm not giving him what he needs and nothing has changed exept that we can talk longer calmer but I still rely on him for emotional support which has to stop too. It's the hardest thing I had to do in my entire live, live completely without my best friend. I need all the help I can get.

On the goals. Start with your biggest goals and then work back. Do you want your marriage to survive or not? Now, what would a happy marriage with your H look like? Start working back from there. Eventually, you'll have to get to what would be the first sign(s) that it was moving in the direction of having your H move towards dealing with your M in a way that would ultimately lead to that end goal?

Now start with what kinds of things made you happy in the past (and your marriage doesn't count this time)? Which of those things are you still doing and which have fallen by the wayside. Also, what things are you doing that make you unhappy? Do you really need to do those, especially now that you aren't in a functioning M? Now, think about which of the changes that move you towards being happy in your life regardless of whether or not your H is on board would make you happiest? What would be the signs that you had started moving in that direction.

In other words, start with the easiest, most obvious things, and let things build from there. You can also throw in what things you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to it.

On the 180s, you need to know what your goals and baby-step goals are to evaluate whether or not those 180s are moving you in the direction you want. The biggest 180 you can make is to focus on yourself and moving ahead with your life rather than appearing to be on hold waiting for your H to make all the decisions and call the shots.

Good luck!