She replied, yes, you would use it as a punishment wouldn't you? I replied, that is not my business, I don't punish anyone or decide on people's fate. She said we would be making a big mistake if we used lawyers. She said if I insisted on a lawyer then give her a couple of months to save up for one as she is broke right now and she doesn't know if she could get a loan from a bank.
Why is it your problem? I mean, you're not forcing her to get a L. She put YOU in this position. You are doing the right thing by getting a L. If she's 'broke', then it's all on her since she spent her money on the OW. She is going have to figure out how to prioritize her spending patterns. She claims to be broke to support kids' activities, but not broke to support her OW??!! Hmmm...that's interesting.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
She said our divorce does not have to be contentious and the current model is not sustainable. She regrets that she hurt me and stepped out like she did but I gave her no choice. I said so you are blaming this affair on me? She replies No, that's not what I meant. There is too much hostility and anger and if we mediate, she would be my biggest cheerleader and we could raise the children in a much better atmosphere. It would be the same only we would not be married.
Ohhh..the WAW "logic"...NOT! Didja know that mediation is normally handled through lawyers anyway?
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
HER Suggest Options
1. Return to mediation and divorce 2. Coparenting counseling to learn to be better co-parents and divorce and we be a happy family.
MY Suggested Options
1. Use lawyers and divorce 2. Return to mediation and divorce 3. Couples Counseling to navigate our way through this and stay the divorce until we can work out the issues. There must not be any third party involved.
^^ right there is where you flubbed badly and W rightly called you out on this. Especially this part from W:
She said OK - I get it, "You call the shots", you won't call off the lawyer unless I agree to couples couseling, that is really sick and typical of you. That is your carrot. You always manipulate and control everything and I won't go back to that. I am not interested in being married to you, I have not asked for that I want to divorce.
Do you now see this at all? It most definitely came across this way. Drop the notion of attending couples counseling. I think family counseling with a qualified child psychologlist is what you would want to aim for here.
As for the 19-years of 'pure hell' convo, I think you handled it really well. Nicely done.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
And now my W texts - would you like to me AP face to face?
As the children are going to meet her, she wanted to give me the courtesy first.
I would have responded:
Absolutely not. OW is not worthy of my time or attention. I think it is highly inappropriate given the situation.
Heavy, stay the course with the L. Stick to your guns. She's trying to manipulate the situation by pushing your emotional buttons and making it out to be that you're the bad guy should you continue to protect your own interests (and your kids too for that matter).
Didja know that mediation is normally handled through lawyers anyway? 