[Angels]

As some more notes, I guess I should update on this weekend as I have some more questions/actions from her and I need help with what to do. So first off, I trust you guys and I did NOT disclose anything about my knowledge of the A, as hard as it got when she would talk to me, especially when I know she was texted him and the PF (which is basically another EA at this point with the time they spend together, the PF is divorced and having trouble also in her current M). Im sure of this because they were face timing (couldn’t hear), but I walked in, it was silent for about 2 mins and then the PF just started talking about random crap, and sayinf “that’s cool your working on the house” but the pause and the way my W looked at me when I walked in was obvious I was a subject, or the OM. The basically ended the conversation and hung up after another couple mins.

Anways, so Saturday we went to a movie, that was pretty good, but like ive been saying, we still get along when we do things, more like friends though, not lovers. I wanted to go and asked, I guess following the DBs I shouldn’t have... We also watched a couple movies at the house and Tv shows. Since made dinner and breakfast as that hasn’t stopped. I have to do almost all the chores now though. For the last two weeks I have continued DBing and not saying “love you, especially “I”, and so it’s continued and I haven’t heard it in that time. This [censored] so badly knowing it used to be important to her! Also before bed, or leaving for work we always would, however that has stopped unless I initiate it (which I don’t anymore since DBing). She will always still reciprocate, but im done saying it just to make her and it didn’t sound real anymore. If she wants too, she will initiate it one of these times. Now I just get a ‘night’ before bed, or a ‘have a nice day’ before work (which I start). I tried saying nothing and man did she get mad saying I was ‘rude’ or “WTF”, so I caved and always say ‘have a nice day’ first, maybe I should stop this? Sorry for the side track… I do leave first though so it kind of makes sense. We also never cuddle anymore which she said was something she said we were lacking and she needed, if I try though, she will say “im too hot” or “you don’t have to do it every night” or “I don’t feel like it”, so since DBing I also just don’t attempt this since being a physical person this rejection [censored] for me too, so why set myself up right?

Sunday was ok, but again, just more like friends. I already stated I couldn’t take it for myself and initiated being intimate in the morning but it was more of the same, just physical with basically not emotions from her (or me this time). I saw her smile when I started so part of me wish I wouldn’t have thinking back. I believe before this like I stated, I think she was onto I knew something, because I hadn’t tried in weeks and may have been questioning herself. I kind of let her off the hook I fear? This was the first time I had touched her since finding out the A was physical. After that, she made breakfast, and we went to church together. The whole sermon was about temptation and overcoming it, and the power of women, so good timing? However, as faithful as she used to be, like sadni pointed out, I think that is gone. I was watching her reaction and it didn’t appear to faze her let alone sink in. After we got back I just did my project on the house while she did her thing and tried to not care what she was doing or talking to in other areas of the house. At night, I ended dinner, I went to shower first and went to bed first, all switches from our old routine. She even looked at me with the “what are you doing face” as I was the first to go upstairs (leaving her) to shower/bed.

Now for the Q’s. Marriage counseling, I had been pushing for this and at first I got the “we don’t need this” two month ago, so I stopped. I had been mentioning it a couple times since then asking if she wanted to try, however, since finding out about the A being where it is, I stopped, and even canceled an appointment I had setup. Well this weekend, she asked about it (supposed to be next week) and I said if you want to I will set it up. So, id this a good thing? I feel its just her appeasing me or going through the motions… she is still in the A and talking to OM so what good would this do? Also, how can I go to this without confront the physical A, which is our biggest issue. Ive even seen where she has texted OM now saying if they didn’t talk, me and her would have likely fixed things by now. Let me tell you, this killed me to see this knowing that’s really the cause of everything! So MC, should I do it or not? Should I confront her there? I just cant see how you could go and ignore that issues, even the MC I found knows about it because I told them when they asked on the phone…

Another thing since I saw it in other threads, my close friends (mutual to us) do know about the A, and the MIL knows and has kept it a secret. She is 100% against divorce and on my said, she has even seen my W act disrespectful when I did nothing wrong as family outings etc…. I told her for now, to do NOTHING until I tell her I have a plan and will confront her. I know I have to be the one to confront her. I believe having her on my side is extremely good though as they are close. She respects my decision though and that I have stayed fighting for the M this long. Sandi mentioned that an I just wanted that out there that she is an Ally and a huge influencer on my W.