Hmm, I'm wondering if the storyline of The Great Gatsby is appropriate regarding the details of my sitch LOL. Order cancelled.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Not much to report but I wanted to check in. I was able to finish the lion share of work on my patio. I just need to tidy up and arrange for the pressure cleaning. I ordered the chaise lounges last night and they should be delivered today. I'm pretty excited.
I FaceTimed with STBX last night. I was in the car when she called. She asked if I had a new haircut and I just laughed and said "No, just combed it." The kids were in the pool with the inlaws so I talked with her more than usual. Mainly small talk with the children occasionally running up to say hello. I was friendly and upbeat. When STBX first turned the phone towards her, we kind of just stared at each other for a little bit. I said that it was good to see her because I normally just only see the kids.
At the end of the call, we said our goodbyes and she turned the phone towards her again. Again, we looked at each other for a few moments. It seemed like she was content to do this and was hesitant to end call. After a few more moments of this, I ended the call.
A few hours later, she texted to let me know a favorite comedian would be on late night television. I didn't reply.
I know these interactions are so minor but it's important to maximize impact. I felt the FaceTime interaction was good, maybe a little pursuit on my part. Then, she sent the TM and I didn't reply, a little distancing.
Who knows? Another day in the books.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
STBX just called and I decided to answer. We talked about the kids for a bit. Then, she said that she is missing me and it's really hard. I told her that I really appreciate her opening up and asked her what missing me meant. She said that she just missed me and my friendship. She said she didn't know how to describe it. I said, "yeah, it's hard to put into words, isn't it?"
She replied that she knows she didn't treat me well, she's afraid I would never trust her again, and that things would never be normal again. I replied that "you're right that things could never be normal again because that version of normal didn't work. That science experiment failed." She kind of laughed and agreed with me.
I told her that I missed our little family. To that, she responded about how she doesn't like how things are so fragmented. She admitted that she's thought about trying to work on our MR before serving D papers but she doesn't think it will ever work out.
She said she didn't know why she felt the need to call me because she knows that I probably won't answer and it won't fix anything.
She is still hung up on my circle of friends and how she feels they have mistreated her. I listened to her go over her list of grievances against them. I responded by saying how I understood how that would be a big hurdle for her.
She mentioned that she gets excited seeing some of our favorite tv shows and then realized how tough they will be to watch. She then states that she guessed it will just get easier with time.
Then I gave her Starsky's line about her being an attractive woman and how I obviously miss some things too. I then admitted that this has been difficult for both of us. And again, she agreed. She then said that I was an attractive woman too. We both laughed.
I told her that I had an appointment with an angry customer, so I needed to end the call. I thanked her for opening up to me, I was glad I answered the call, and I would talk with her later.
So, what do I do with this? I feel like I did a good job validating, while inserting a little emotion and honesty on my end. Obviously, she still has a ton of doubts and is still very confused.
Last edited by Defacto; 06/09/1504:58 PM.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
So, what do I do with this? I feel like I did a good job validating, while inserting a little emotion and honesty on my end. Obviously, she still has a ton of doubts and is still very confused.
You don't "do" ANYTHING with it, other than tell yourself you really handled it well. And you did, btw.
Thanks for the support everybody. I wouldn't have been able to navigate that call without everyone's suggestions. Keep them coming!
Journaling: After talking with STBX around lunchtime today, she sent a video TM of the kids and a goofy YouTube link. I didn't respond to either of these.
Later, I FaceTimed with the kids as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary here. STBX then turned the phone on herself and we said our goodbyes. It seemed like she wanted to hold the call for longer but I disconnected first.
GAL activities tonight included finishing up my patio area and hitting up a minor league game with a friend's family. Unfortunately, it started raining so I headed back home a little early.
D4 sent me a bunch of emoticon TMs from STBX's phone. I didn't respond to these either. A little bit later, STBX FaceTimed me and I decided to answer. D4 was upset (about a popsicle!) and STBX thought I could help calm her down. I was happy to help and did my best to help with D4. Eventually D4 calmed down and STBX sincerely thanked me.
A few minutes later, STBX sent me a pic of D4 and thanked me. I waited about 15 minutes and replied with a simple "your welcome." Then STBX texted a funny, lengthy D4 story and I again waited about ten minutes to reply with "oh no LOL." STBX replied with two TMs of additional details from the story and I didn't respond.
I feel that I made myself a little more available to STBX than usual today. I don't know if this is right or wrong but I do feel I should pull back a little over the next few days as a result. Not going to worry about it too much though. I have a busy day at work tomorrow and I need to get ready for my next three nights with the kids.
I need to remind myself to have no expectations.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Sounds like you showed up to be a great Dad getting D4 to calm down Defacto.
Having no expectations is tough but you're doing it and from the last two posts is sounds like you're DB'ing well just by being you and sticking to your plan.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks Pigpen! It definitely felt good to save the day with D4 last night.
Today is a new day. I need to continue to remind myself of DB basics and to have no expectations. STBX has said these type of things before and I have no confidence in A being over at this point.
Focus, determination, and confidence.
"I'm a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm!"
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
