Sweden beyond rescue it seems.

[Zues126]

Anyway, any thoughts on what to do now? Give up?
I don't want that, but can see that if this was a marathon before, it's a ultra run now.
Delete on FB yes/no?

Tulo, I can understand how you would feel very used, and that you've had a major set back that might even indicate it's time to 'give up'.

I'm never sure what that means. Does give up mean having a rebound R with someone else? Vowing into the sky that no matter what you'll never R with H at this point and doing something to burn a bridge? Diagnosing your H as the one with the problems and no longer working on yourself? I don't really support any of that. But if giving up means letting go of your M and detaching from your H, working on yourself, and building a new life, well then yes, give up!

Personally I would remove myself from his FB. I'm not on social media so I don't know all the rules. It really doesn't matter what he thinks about why you removed yourself. It's for you, not him.

Tulo, you're extremely early in your sitch. You did nothing here that wasn't pretty normal, you only feel this way because you haven't been able to detach and were hoping this would fall back together. This really is a marathon. But I'm telling you, sometimes you have to get burned like this to realize you have to detach. Don't be hard on yourself for the backslides, just make sure you set good boundaries going forward so you don't devalue yourself or enable his lifestyle going forward.

PS- I'm not crazy about the last post blasting your H. He is in pain and someone that he has a lot of feelings for (despite what he says) is willing to ML to him and comfort him. Yeah, this happens all the time. It's possible he didn't reply the next day because he realized it was a bad idea and you had different feelings and he didn't want to hurt you worse. But this is just as much on you for having boundaries, etc. Again, standard misunderstanding, so not a reason to think your H could never be M material.

Detaching is hard, but I have to do it. He is so unaware of his feelings and actions and at the moment he's just full speed ahead with something else.

Yes. You really do. You've been white knuckled with the rope. You determine whether it will be an ultra marathon. Maybe some good set backs are what you need to realize it doesn't work. But it doesn't happen automatically. Some people are still extremely attached to their WAS decades later.

Don't worry about your H's feelings. They aren't wrong. You just don't like the decision he's made based on those feelings. But in addition to detaching, working on yourself is really the key. And since you two were so interwoven, his feelings are the clues you need to become the best person you can.