DifRent's Journey - 27 days in, thread 2

[DifRent]

Thanks. Yesterday was our son's graduation, mostly a good day, but still a mixed bag, with a bad ending. We went grocery shopping together in the morning. During the drive, she wanted very much to talk about "post-separation" plans - particularly living arrangements. I handled it with cool detachment, especially since we aren't going to be making those decisions anytime soon. At the store, at one point she caressed my back like the old days, ran her fingers through my hair to say she liked how my hair looked, and I didn't exactly tell her to stop touching me.

Then she put on a drop dead gorgeous cocktail dress for the ceremony. Told her she looked good, but maybe something more "motherly" would be more appropriate. She complied, at one point while sitting down she asked "why are you looking at me like that?" Didn't know what she was talking about, but she said I had "hate" in my eyes. I'm sure there are a lot of things in my eyes when she looks into them, but assuredly, hate is not one of them.

We came back and had a relatively pleasant family gathering. She cooked, sat really close to me on the couch to make room for someone else, but again... it was like old times. After everyone left, though, she wanted to get on my case about a photo I posted on FB. She called the OW and when I walked onto the porch and heard her outside, she flipped out and accused me of spying.

And then... we TALKED. Again. She admitted that she feels guilty and she knows what she's doing is wrong. But the whole thing devolved into an unpleasant conversation. I know I need to not take the bait on these things, but it's awfully hard. It's great when it's time to go to bed, but then I'm up at 2am, always. So I'm exhausted right now, she's upstairs working and has yet to say good morning while I start my day down here.

Everyone here says DBing is not for the faint of heart. They are right. Wondering if I have the strength to continue, though.