Talked to the lawyer. Not feeling any better about this situation. I don't care about ever seeing him again, but having to walk away from my kids 50% of the time is unacceptable to me. My lawyer seemed to agree with his lawyer's recommendation. No fault divorce is all about the selfish parent I guess. This is just the beginning, hopefully more positive options will arise. For now all I can do is go dark and try to get a clear enough head to find viable alternatives to what seems to be the only outcome of this mess he put us through.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Just catching up with you. Get a second opinion with a different L sweetheart so that you know and can judge the reality.
Even if this is correct have an L you like and can work with, one you trust. it's ok to keep interviewing, not so you get an opinion you like, but so you are truly clear on your Fins and custody issues.
Keep posting.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
If it is a no fault state then it is indeed 50/50 on custody both primary and legal. Now your husband may not want 50% custody or to have them live with him.
How do you think he will respond. Some fathers don't want any custody at all.
Sorry I've been MIA. Things have taken a really ugly turn that I'd rather not get into here. But it sparked to change lawyers and I now feel like I really have someone on my side. We are still living together. The affair is pretty much confirmed at this point. I'm trying really hard to let go. To use my anger to walk away rather than to try and convince him how despicable they both are. It is so hard, but much easier now that I have lawyers who aren't saying "hey this is just the way it is" still waiting to be served with the divorce. What I though was me being served with divorce was actually just my lawyer asking if I could have her serve me rather than a process server. She never got the papers and when I changed lawyers they also didn't receive anything about the divorce. I have no idea what's taking so long. Once we see what they put on the table I can start thinking about my options. For now I need to focus on finishing these last few weeks of work and finding a new job. Also making sure my kids will be ok.
So for the most part I'm stl stuck. Yesterday was the first morning I haven't woken up with anxiety. But it seems like it has been replaced with intense hatred and anger. It doesn't feel quite as bad as the anxiety but it still is an awful feeling.
I know what that my failure to DB properly has led me to this miserable place. I wish I had done things differently. But what is done is done. I spent the day with my aunt who is also recently divorced and she asked me if I would want to ever marry again. I honestly can't ever see myself married to anyone but him. But I do want to date. It's just hard to not think of him as my husband. How is it so easy for him?
Last edited by mustardseed; 06/08/1512:12 AM.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
To answer your questions. Yes I'm pretty sure he wants 50/50 but more because he doesn't want to give me money. He is hinting that he knows I am losing my job and has said with much smugness that the child support will be based on my current income. I'm not worried about that, though. He always finds a way to avoid being with the kids on the weekends ow doesn't have her kids. And couldn't care less on the weekends she has her kids. Bell make plans with them then not follow through. Claim know ng it was their preference to not do it. That is consistent with how he has been though. Total lack of follow through.
I guess I just have to let it all play out. Ow has become quite the puppet master with the goal being to destroy me. Right now he is happy being her puppet but I'm sure it will grow old once I stop playing into their game. We really are so different. I'm an open book. I don't understand secrets and I am learning to be more private. He always had this "world's colliding" paranoia with regards to shared friends and stuff. With us it was family friend crossovers, then his work/homr/kids attending his school issue. I thought that was wonderful. I like the closeness and the shared life. He gets super paranoid by it. It won't be any diff e rent with her. There world's are just as intertwined. I keep telling myself I have to let it fail on its own because the more I try to interfere the more I push them together.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
A good L is important even vital to you, that is part of your IRL support system.
For my part I believe you have DB well and with a very difficult work sitch, the issue is H, and in house S is very tough. Especially when you are in job related accommodation.
As I follow your journey Msd, I see that you have travelled a hard road, uphill, rocky and full of pits. Not once did you stumble, yes you rested a little from time to time as needed, but you climbed that hill and kept on going, the top ridge is in sight and the view of the sun rise is spectacular. Dearest one you have worked to turn yourself, your work and your M around. I read your effort and am so proud of your achievements.
Msd, you are a success and I feel so grateful to have witnessed that and to acknowledge that to you. Any one who reads your posts can see that Msd will stand proud for who she is. Msd did not crumble and give in, that is the essence of DB. The core of Msd standing for her M and for herself and her children. Doing that which works. As long as you want to stand for your M and let the A burn out is your choice and besides the fat lady has not sung yet.
OW is behaving in an exceedingly poisonous, brazen and nasty way. As far as this piece of work is concerned H has no issues crossing over between work and personal. He will rue the day he got involved with the poison chalice. I really agree with you, the more you rise above the scuzzy then the more free of this tacky A you will be.
I sense Msd you are becoming 'unstuck', in the same way OD is becoming unstuck. It means moving on the Kubler Ross grief curve. Anger can be your friend if it propels you to action. I know it will.
Stand proud of who you are Msd, you are truly special
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/08/1508:14 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you for always raising my spirits V. I had an awful day at work. It started with one of my assistants, not realizing I was in the room, crumbling up the work I put on her students desk saying "this is such a stupid worksheet" @and throwing it out. She saw me right after and was sweet as pie. She is my passive aggressive assistant. Then the other one was mia all morning because she was completing the hiring process for my job. Yep my replacement. The other three were ok but I felt like everyone e was talking behind my back all day. 2 more Mondays to go.
I spoke to my lawyer today. I finally have some info on his. She is a real witch. Hung up on my guy. I now sympathize with my old lawyer. His is obviously used to intimidating opposing counsel. And I don't think my last lawyer was cut out to deal with that. I feel good about my new guys. I also think it is easier for men to be tough without coming across negatively. One of those many hurdles my gender has yet to overcome, but for right now I am grateful to have tough but warm counsel. I feel safe and protected by them. I'm so glad I switched.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
