Thank you so much job and LoisB

Originally Posted By: LoisB
After 3 months, she left. I made it clear, if she chose to leave, she wouldn't receive financial help from me. She would be on her own.


Unfortunately this is round 2 for s, he left home last year, set himself up, went to college, got government assistance and a job to top up his funds, then things started to slide and he eventually contacted me while I was overseas - he was living like a tramp, he was getting chest pains and palpitations, his c attendance was suffering and he was not eating as he had no money.

I came back and we got a flat together, I got him back on track and now 3 months later we are back to the beginning again. I know that underneath he is aware that living with me is his cushy option so he needs to sort himself out (because he told me the other day). He was just reacting and stomping his feet toddler style because he wanted to go away and I stopped it. If he wants to move out he can,I am not stopping him, but it does mean I will have to move too as I cant afford rent on my own, plus he was the reason I moved to this part of the country and have ended up working a dia disgusting job. I just got to keep him together for another 5 months, then college will be over and he can go do whatever he wants and I can move to wherever I want to.


Originally Posted By: job
As for your xh, I can't believe he's got money to spend for an airline ticket and yet, cried the blues to you about not having money to send you. Boy, that one takes the cake and either he thinks you are deaf and stupid or he didn't think you would pick up on that little tidbit so quickly. If he does fly out to where you are, I certainly would ask for the money he owes you. He certainly isn't hurting in the wallet as much as he has indicated if he can afford a flight.


Yes, well job, as he has already confessed to not having any money and being in debt so I know that the flight would have been put on the cc. He has dug himself a big hole financially, the latest being the purchase of a motorbike - his justification is that it is cheaper to run for work than the ute. I think its more a case of him not thinking at all, not that I am gullible.

What got me is his screwy thought process - to stay with ow as she is convenient, she keeps him financially afloat was his words - he is seriously messed up. In a way ( and its only a teeny weeny bit) I do feel sorry for her, I mean, she has been sucked into his crazy world, he feels nothing for her but she serves a purpose so he sticks with it, a means to an end - how can a guy do that, how can he feel nothing for someone yet carry on, be a user? I just shake my head in dismay. Its what he must have done with me before he gave me the ILYBIANILWY speech - so to see him repeat it again with someone else is an eye opener.

There is one thing for sure - hence the boundary I set about being friends - he is not going to have me as an emotional friend and her as his cook, cleaner, financial aid and bed buddy - that is NOT going to happen. He knows what he has to do for me to be in his life, I reinforced that yesterday, so now the ball is back in his court.

The other thing that hit me yesterday was when he said " I know, its selfish of me" in regards to staying with her because he can't be bothered to do the hard yards and get himself out of his hole - its the same thing he used to say to me about staying at home instead of going to college or getting a part time job - he used to stay "I love you being at home, I know, its selfish of me" - its patterns, its an easy life option.

This past few weeks, with the renewed contact and his confessions, his emotional ups and downs, hearing about the mess he has got himself into and his skewed view of the world has bought home to me that he is soooo lost, I have glimpses of the guy I m in his vulnerable moments, its heartbreaking to know he is still there and is struggling to pull himself free from the world he is in - the conflict and confusion he must be living with must be terrible.
Only he can break free from it, only he can change things - I hope that he is strong enough to find his way through, no matter what happens between us.

Last day off frown back to work tomorrow. Not sure I will last much longer - the girl before me lasted 10 weeks before she said move me to a different department or I am leaving !! I have managed 4 so far lol. Some customers are just ferral and I am sick of beng treated like the lowest of the low by them. I think I have now cleaned up most things that can come out of a body - yep, in a supermarket sick

Have a good day everyone, I am so glad I am on this crazy ride with you all as companions, mwah mwah x