my story

[asitis]

Sorry you are getting hit so hard. I just read through your other thread, and it looks like a really sh*tty situation all around. You are showing a lot of courage in putting one foot in front of the other, and that is most of what you can do right now.

I did have some thoughts. First, keep a journal of your time and activities with your kids. Include time you have them, the fun things you are doing with them, care you are giving them (including taking care of parental responsibilities - doctors appointments, attending to the daily tasks that kids need taken care of). This is in part to build a case that you are a good, responsible parent who knows how to take care of them and that the courts should listen to and respect. No guarantees they will, but if you have this and your W has vague recollections of what she is doing for them and also has been exposing them to OM who is also married w/ a pregnant wife he is leaving, you may sway things in favor of stopping your W's selfish and destructive behavior vis-a-vis your kids. Obviously, finding the best lawyer you can is a must.

You mentioned a facebook friend request, but didn't see anything about what you did about it. I'd strongly say don't accept until you feel like she has demonstrated adequately that she is deserving of it. That is clearly ended the A and stopped exposing your kids to OM, has shown you some respect that is necessary to any healthy friendship, and either that she is serious about working on your M or enough time and finality has passed and she demonstrates that she is serious about working on better co-parent relationship with you. She is a long, long way from any of that.

Are you seeing your own therapist to deal with your emotional issues? I didn't see that, but maybe I missed it. If not, it really sounds like you need IC to really deal with this.

Finally, remember the phrase you'll hear repeatedly on this site: don't believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Don't take things to personally (I know how hard that can be), as the attacking is mostly to do with your W's problems and not you. I absolutely hate feeling wrongly judged. It is one of my biggest triggers, and has been one of the things I have had to work on the hardest to stop it from consuming me and triggering dysfunctional reactions. Even if it is not one of your worst triggers, in the situation you are in, it is getting pushed very, very hard and very, very often. IC can help with this. Just recognizing that this is a trigger so that you can interrupt the chain of reactive thinking each time it gets triggered can help. It does get easier, even though it always [censored] to be attacked the way you are.

Do you have a support network of people you can sit down with or talk to? This forum is wonderfully supportive, but it also helps to have more direct human contact with people who can listen and respond empathetically and sympathetically. We do best when we hear these things other's voices, and even better are able to read these things in their body language as well. There is no substitute. If you haven't started developing at least a few people you can turn to IRL, make that a priority. IC can be one piece, but getting involved with groups that form your social network are useful as well. Reaching out to friends, even those you haven't been close to lately, is another source. The more sources of support you have during these tough times, the better.

Keep your head up and focus on your kids and yourself. It won't last forever. Good luck!