The thoughts that do still come creeping in without relief are the resentments. That she left me alone. That she goes out and has a wonderful time with him, doing things that she and I could have been happy together doing. It stings that she genuinely believes that she is now happy because she is *with him* doing those things, instead of the fact that she has given herself permission and freedom to do what makes her happy, regardless of her companion. When she was disappearing for days at a time to go be with him, she'd occasionally tell me about something they did together, and I'd complain to myself, there was no reason we couldn't have had that experience. There was no reason we couldn't have enjoyed that time together. You robbed us of that, I'd think to myself. You gave our life to someone else.
And she's still doing it.
These thoughts don't throw me into paralyzing rumination, as the thoughts of "she should have honored her commitment" can-- but they creep in and they make me feel lonely and sad.
