I see your wise words on others threads and thought I would visit and say hi.
I usually follow Toots around agreeing with her. It's quite a trending skill.
In this case the negative option will speed things up decision wise.
My caution would be to treat that method like gold dust and on important issues. let the unimportant take their time to resolve. Use sparingly and when needed, what doctors refer to as the minimal effective dose. A cooperative ex is worth more in the longer run. It's kind of training exW to respond, you wouldn't use a stick when a carrot is better. And if there is no hurry in the journey why use the whip, just pootle. It will be more effective and you won't be perceived as always impatient.
And who wouldn't want to be at a fun party?
Smiles
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V - You are definitely right! I don't plan on being very confrontational and will use that method sparingly. I haven't been for confrontational for months, although that is something I do struggle with on the inside, as I talk about it quite a bit here.
I'm not going to lie. I'm slightly nervous to be seeing her so consistently. I will see her Thursday night for dinner (on S's birthday), and then all day Saturday for the party.
The party is going to be very small in comparison to parties in the past, which will be good. But I will have a lot less buffers between me and her. I'm planning on not drinking that much & playing with the kids when I am not cooking.
Any advice? For interaction, this is a big week with a long to do list.
Last edited by mahhhty; 06/08/1502:17 PM.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You might want a quick look at ODs thread as he has dealt with this recently in his life. (Old Dog)
Nervous, I understand that. Now is your chance to shine, smart caual of course with aftershave. listen to a cheerful tune or two that will make you feel lively throughout. You can even sing along whilst you cook. Childrens songs are particularly great for that. I am sure you have some cheer up songs on tap. Shake that booty in fun. No alcohol at all, have your tipple afterwards in private.
You have two lovely kids, you could plan a small proper activity and a friendly face to talk to and sit next to. It would help if you can be the first of the two to be unavailable.
And smile, keep on smiling and smiling.
A tip my IC gave me was this; if looking at W is hard especially at her face or in the eyes, then concentrate your gaze at the middle of the forehead or between the eyebrows. The other cant tell and it looks like you are 'seeing' them. To create distance donot invade body space in the inner circle, ie 2/3 arms length. Never stand over W if she is sitting and no pointing fingers.
Relax, if you can. If you feel nervous take three very deep long breaths.
I did say smile? I am sure I did! It softens the tone of the voice.
If you want to feel loving then smile at your two fantastic little ones. At the birthday boy and his cake, toys, or presents.
Act as if it is going to be ok and it will be.
I am sure others here will have some great ideas too.
Smile
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/09/1506:24 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Absolutely V! This is a great montra to live by for the party!
Thank you!
To all my DB friends out there listen to V, just keep smiling. Also, I'm sorry I haven't checked in on people lately. It's been hectic on all fronts and my baby boy is turning 3 tomorrow.
I'm well overdue for a better update but I'm beat. I'm taking the kids to a children's museum tomorrow, and x is coming over for presents cake and ice cream tomorrow night. Then the party on Saturday. A lot is going on.
I will say this, she forgot to pack something's for the kids and brought it over tonight. My girl is no dummy, the first question she asked was "are you going to stay here at home with us tonight." Broke my heart but I pretended I did t hear it.
Anyway wish me luck. I'll need it!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
mahhhty, that is a difficult position to be in. You know what though? You are a strong guy. I've seen that in how much growth you've made during your situation and through the advice I've seen you give me and others. You're an amazing guy, and you'll make it.
Deep breaths, smile, have fun. Forget about her and the situation and just enjoy the time with the children.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
From all the I've read, V is the expert on fun! Definitely follow her advice.
On a side note, since I'm kind of pressed for time, I'm glad you finally got to the point you've reached in your sitch, V. I never posted, but closely followed. You are an example to us all.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Best of luck Mahhhty, you got this! Following V's advice has been huge for me, you're in good hands.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hello my friend! You DO have this. PigPen is right about all the above.
Good luck Mahhhty.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
