You probably read Kramer's thread. One week she's going to OM's daughter's birthday party and the divorce is proceeding on schedule for him and the next she is apologizing, sending NC letter and committing to recovery. Situations change on a dime around here.
I hope I've given you some important things to think about if and when your situation does something similar. Although Kramer's wife sounds like she's committed, the fogginess comes out sideways at times. She is embarrassed about her behavior but she's also not "in love" with Kramer right now. It's really tough to navigate that situation. For example, he told her "one shot" and that ANY contact with OM and it'll be over. Fine. Nice boundary. But what's THEIR plan to make that happen. Say OM calls his wife. Is THAT it? Is she supposed to hang up? She's MAD as heck at OM so she's probably going to talk to him and yell at him. That would be a huge mistake on her part and risks reigniting the affair; however, it's typically crap that happens. Should Kramer end it then? Instead he should be working with his wife as a team to come up with a plan to make sure "no contact" is implemented along with a set of guidelines for if and when it doesn't. Closure contact is common. Suppose OM comes to his wife's place of work. Kramer should discuss that it would be best for their joint marriage recovery that she NOT speak to him. Not one word.. Have someone else ask him to leave or call the cops if he doesn't and IMMEDIATELY call her betrayed husband. If she doesn't speak to him...there would then be any no conversation to recall word for word that the betrayed husband would have to trust. It's much easier to say "I didn't say one word to him...I got up, walked away and called you".
Off my tangent.
Your wife may or may not be ready to start a real recovery. She could file for divorce on Monday for all I know. But, when she is you need to recognize that your strategies have to stay intact. It's not really recovery...yet. Instead of jumping in too far, you still have to play the game of attraction by distancing and pursuing. Kramer has a good start but he's not nearly off the battlefield yet. Recovery takes, in the best of situations, a year to accomplish. Most take two.
Wayward wives are very hard to turn around. They "love" one romantic interest at a time. However, once they do turn towards you, they are much easier to recover with as GENERALLY, they are much more willing to participate in a recovery plan IF the husband insists on one. The "plan" then saves the marriage. This is in contrast to most wayward husbands who love both their wife/family AND the OW. Many betrayed wives find it much more easy to get their wayward husbands to dump the OW and "come home", yet very difficult to get their husbands to participate in any kind of marital recovery plan.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
