I guess that's where I'm struggling, am I that clueless to the whole situation? What you've said " IMO, the main reason a WW has no sexual desire for her H is b/c she has another guy in her head (if not her bed) Plus what others are saying has me so confused. It seems like I'm an idiot for wanting to believe that she made a mistake & is done with it!?! She even went so far as to write a letter to her family explaining what a horrible mistake she made! Like I said I feel guilty for back tracking on the progress we appear to have made. But, I'm also starting to realize that perhaps by me continuing to do what I've been doing may just lead us back to a spot where she gets comfortable & I stay stuck in that "just friends" area. So to answer your question Sandi2, I guess I'm struggling "overall"
If you will carefully read each of the 37 rules, you will see there is not a single one that should cause you this type of fear. They are simply guidelines for a newcomer who is faced with a WAS or wayward. Some men who are afraid, see detaching and/or the 37 rules as being cold and distant. You refer to it as distancing. It is up to the individual as to what degree to apply these. For example, where I say not to "initiate" contacts throughout the day.........a lot of people skip over that word initiate and stop responding to her texts and calls. Depending on the stitch, it may become necessary for some LBH'S, but my point is that this NC at all is not in the 37 rules. And, I stress over and over the LBS is not to be seen as cold, mad, pouting, etc.
If you believe your W is not a WAW or WW, and you are not headed for a divorce, and the only problem you have is sex, maybe you need to post in the sex starved section. If you think you are making progress and she is working on the M, try the Piecing section. But I have to say that I don't really think it is a matter of sex starved, b/c you said the sex was great before the A, and she "suddenly" stopped. What you are experiencing now is a W who has not been able to completely let go of OM, at least in her thoughts & dreams of what may have been between them. Even if she has not contacted him, she's keeping the A alive in her heart.
I believe all those excuses she gives about not having sex is BS. She doesn't want you to know OM is still in her head. That is something you cannot force out. She has to do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
