What great insight! I've read it three times now. Thanks for sharing!
yes, pure GOLD. Cannot wait for the follow up.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Well, the meeting with L went well today. She reassured me that I could expect 50% at least with D2, which is my priority at this point. I also asked her about various scenarios pertaining to D2, visitation, what we can and can't do together (more importantly, how W can control this, or not control this, etc.)
I think while I was sitting there, I realized one important thing - I'm not ready to file yet. I'm not ready to give up. I don't know how much more time I can give it - I know some have gone through it for years, but I'm think more like 30-60 days and then just tell her I can't deal with it anymore.
This is so hard, as all of you know. You have all been such a source of strength and advice - even just reading the other threads but not being directly involved. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to send a word of encouragement as I adjust to the "new reality".
I'm still trying to be detached - but I keep running into things that make me so angry and start thinking about everything that is going on that makes me even angrier.
Right now, I feel as though God has abandoned me. That's the hardest feeling of all.
Ralf. Mate. I'm not religious. But I feel exactly the same as you. I know you read my thread and there's been quite a bit of activity over there. I think we are looking for answers that aren't apparent.
Setting deadlines? I know, right? How much more can a man take before he simply walks away. I hate how my manhood is being tested to the max. I'm not a NG. I read that book and it's not me. Neither is their philosophy.
So, next step? More of the same? Idk because I'm sick of living this lie.
Sorry for the derail.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Tomorrow morning I have to leave the house early for a golf outing. It's been on the calendar with a 645 leave time for about three months.
At dinner, W says "so wait, I have to get up and take care of D2 by myself, and try to get a shower and out the door with no one helping me?"
What I WANTED to say: "How the hell do you think it's gonna be when I leave and we get divorced?"
What I ACTUALLY said: "yes".
Maybe she thinks her boyfriend will move in right away and help her with getting a 2 year old ready in the morning. I'm sure he's just dying to do that...
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Does anyone have some good links/examples of what to say/do at the moment that WW is sobbing and bawling on your shoulder, telling you (again) that she ended her EA, apologizing for it ever happening, begging for forgiveness, etc? Because that just happened.
I didn't know what to do. She told me the same thing last weekend, but clearly over the next couple of days it became apparent that she hadn't really ended it and was just pissed off that I was about to file for D and had talked to an attorney.
Last night, after she admitted that they had kissed again and still say I love you, I told her we needed to sit down and go over visitation, custody, etc. (This on the advice of my attorney) We need to do this before I can move out. I told her my plan was to decide these things, and then talk to my parents about moving home this weekend. She stormed off and went to bed.
Then, no real conversation this morning, and we went to work. I talked to my L again today by phone, and she suggested me trying to stay in the house until we sit and come to a written agreement on a substantial number of things.
Then, I came home from work, was playing with D2 and W came home around 7. She walked in, grabbed a cigarette and said she needed to go outside.
When she came in, she hugged me (I made sure to let go first), and then she said "today, I reversed what I never should have started in the first place. I'm so so sorry and I know it will take time, but please forgive me. You sounded so serious last night about moving out and ending this."
I wanted to say: "Of course I'm serious. You lied to me AGAIN!" But I didnt.
I just told her I needed time to digest this, and that I really didn't want to talk in front of D2.
W fell asleep while rocking D2 to sleep last night. I went upstairs and put D2 in her crib.
W followed me down, and proceeded to lay with her head on my stomach on the couch and fell asleep.
I watched tv for awhile and then woke her up and told her to go upstairs so I could go to sleep. Some time after that, D2 woke up crying. I went upstairs and tried to get her back to sleep, but couldn't. I took her to the bed and pit her by W.
When I turned to go back downstairs, W looked at me and said "you can just sleep here next to us if you want." Possibly a mistake here, but I'll live...I slept in the bed for the first time in over a month. Next to my wife, with D2 between us.
It was the worst nights sleep I've had in a month too. D2 thrashing around, W snoring......but it felt so good at the same time. I'm exhausted....but I'm not feeling as sick to my stomach this morning.
Still scared about how to process all this. I think W is using stall tactics. She will need to bring up the topic today. I won't stop the separation process without some serious "opening up" and nice treat on her part.
People complain about the snoring, never understood it. It makes me smile and I sleep better.
When the boys crawl into bed...doesn't happen very often...it is cramped but I love the closeness with them all. Maybe that is good, maybe that is part of my problem, idk.
Does anyone have some good links/examples of what to say/do at the moment that WW is sobbing and bawling on your shoulder, telling you (again) that she ended her EA, apologizing for it ever happening, begging for forgiveness, etc? Because that just happened.
All you can do is listen.
I would not say too much, the real question is how this will progress from here.
She may become very depressed at this point going through OM withdrawal, then more depression, withdrawal again. You are not out of the woods yet. Boundaries will remain important.
Check out Kramer's thread as he has a similar sich going on too.
