Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Maybell]

Yesterday afternoon my boss came to me and told me something kind of nasty about my lawyer. I think it's upset me more than I realized. So I'm lying awake in the middle of the night at the end of a long, nasty week when I really, really need my sleep, wrestling with all this.

I think it comes down to two things:

1. If it's true what she said, it doesn't matter because that's his personal life and it doesn't interfere with his business of being my advocate.

2. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Who she's shown me to be is a judgmental insensitive and uncompassionate person who thinks her opinions are superior to anyone else's. Who he's shown me to be is a demanding bulldog with a LOT of compassion for my situation who is determined to get everything he can for me. He's not without flaws but he has been kind.

He has built me up some too. I complained about the other lawyer saying I had made "demands" and my lawyer said "He!! Yes you're making demands, and after what he's put you through you're entitled to them!"

I've been really thinking about that a lot. The idea that I'm entitled to take up space in the world. That not all entitlement is bad, if you're appropriately considerate of others. That I have been treated very badly by STBX and it's NOT ok. He never said what made him unhappy but it's not my responsibility to guess. All he ever said was "This isn't what I want." I can't do anything about that. And he treated me very dishonestly. He used me. That is not ok.

I could fill my whole signature block with life lessons.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Where your heart is, there your treasure will be also.

I believed I could, so I did.

Actually, I'm going to edit that one to say:
I believe I can, so I will.