drop the rope- part III

[Zephyr]

New day new thread.

Feeling better managing anxiety!

Feeling better about managing expectations for the future.

Feeling better that I was going to be alright no matter what happens in marriage.

Feeling better that this part of my life, although unpleasant (to say the least) has been quite necessary...a wakeup call to zephyr that he needed so much.

Thank you all so very much for all of your advice, support and friendship!


First Thread

Second Thread

[bravo61]

Z,
Appreciate the interest in my thread.now regarding the pursuing I know it's tough. At least you can see it. The trick is to head it off, now that is hard.

Although it's been said adnauseum, WS see us as that annoying boy/girl in school that was in love with us and we had no interest at all in. They would follow us around and generally made us roll our eyes and they became the butt of our jokes.

But, fast forward a few years and you run into her again. She's taller, lost the braces, is physically toned, and confidence oozes from them. Holy Cow what we're we thinking?!

But the kicker is, without the trials she went through and the time needed to make those changes, she would not be the prize she is today. Did she do it for you? Nah, it was for her even if it was spurred on by your rejection. Funny thing is, if she did it for you, you would know in the first few seconds of conversation and on some level would still be repulsed.

Z, be that person. I know I'm trying and its hard.

The first step on that journey is detaching and dropping the rope!

[Elly4]

Zephyr, I'm so glad today is a better day for you. You deserve it! And yes, you are and will continue to be awesome!

E

[Zephyr]

Bravo... I appreciate the story. I've not heard that one.

Eirinn, I am certainly getting there, who knows how long it will ultimately take, but I will definitely get there.

Thank you!

[Elly4]

Of course you will get there! What are your GAL plans for the weekend?

[Zephyr]

Good morning E. I had plans for the week...went kayak fishing on Thursday (awesome BTW...trying to figure out how to effort a couple of kayaks and a trailer), went to gym yesterday afternoon, had friends over for a night of games. Today is soccer championships for boys. Have three games and their year end party's. Nothing tonight. Tomorrow I will go to gym and then get busy on basement again.

Poor sleep last night. I wish I could fall asleep in the arms of a woman who wants me there instead of next to a corpse or a block of ice.

I see the growth of so many of you guys n gals and wonder why I am so stuck. I looked through all of those old posts on LBS script that were linked by cadet in Zeus's latest thread and I simply have no idea where I am in this process.

JSome days I feel like I still haven't gotten past denial yet and I work at trying to see what I can do to get that affection and love from my spouse that I want...others I feel strong in my conviction that our marriage is over and there is nothing I can do to stop the feieght train except get out of the way and hope that no damage is done.

I am still holding onto the hope that this is getting better and my wife is finally turning around and coming back...of a dream of two people growing old together. I am such an idiot to think there is any hope of that anymore.

How do I let go...it is like I can't or refuse to allow myself to stop being so selfish. I don't get it. I see all the damage holding on does and I can't let go of hope.

[Upnorth]

Z,
Appreciate the interest in my thread.now regarding the pursuing I know it's tough. At least you can see it. The trick is to head it off, now that is hard.

Although it's been said adnauseum, WS see us as that annoying boy/girl in school that was in love with us and we had no interest at all in. They would follow us around and generally made us roll our eyes and they became the butt of our jokes.

But, fast forward a few years and you run into her again. She's taller, lost the braces, is physically toned, and confidence oozes from them. Holy Cow what we're we thinking?!

But the kicker is, without the trials she went through and the time needed to make those changes, she would not be the prize she is today. Did she do it for you? Nah, it was for her even if it was spurred on by your rejection. Funny thing is, if she did it for you, you would know in the first few seconds of conversation and on some level would still be repulsed.

Z, be that person. I know I'm trying and its hard.

The first step on that journey is detaching and dropping the rope!

Pure gold!

[roist]

How are things since?

It is not foolish to want your wife and to want to be loved.

Maybe you do slip up and veer from the concepts here. That is understandable. It is hard to put in practice.

You (like most of us) look at progress in terms of our partners love, which is the ultimate goal. But progress can also be viewed with less focus on how W reacts/acts.

It is hard to put up with feeling unloved and a lack of attention/affection. No doubt about that. Maybe you need to find a way to feel differently about that in the first place. Idk

Good luck.

[Zephyr]

Hey Roiste, haven't had a ton to post about. Been busy for sure...but obligation busy as opposed to fun busy.

I just found a stream fishing clinic tomorrow, I am going to sign up for it. let wife know that it was going on, but she has school work to finish, so I will go by myself...then from there guitar lesson and swimming to finish the night. So I am going to call tomorrow a good GAL night for Zephyr.

Anyway, regardless of not knowing what is going on with her, I had chosen to stand as the pillar...really reading this stuff just enforces that the 'actions' of do nothing that I've been applying is the right thing to do for me right now.

There is absolute tear-jerking material in all of those threads. It looks like HeartsBlessing, Wonka, Cadet and so many others that I'm not remembering right this second have lived this through (sometimes twice) and the info is invaluable. I just need to let things set in a bit more then read and re-read some more. I am not changing my stance or my motivation, I need to understand this stuff better. I will continue on as I am now and be the best me I can.

I still continue to be the lighthouse.

I will still stand as strength for my family, roll up my sleeves when I need and let them fall down so they learn how and be there when they need someone.

I will lead by example in a positive, supportive way with both my kids, my wife and my friends / family.

I will continue to be the best father I am capable of...which means letting them grow up a bit on their own.

I will continue to work on me...accept my flaws & work on them.

I will keep trying to find happiness in my life where sometimes feels like none is at all possible.

I will continue to try to get out and do SOMETHING / ANYTHING.

I will keep working on my basement

I will continue to stop trying to control my future.

I will keep hope for a better life.

Funny, I was running yesterday at the park. During my run, my wedding song came on my MP3 player. It was Russ Taff's 'This Love is Strong.' For the first time in like 6-7 years I did not cry when It played. I replayed it 5 times on that run and it felt good to hear. Maybe for the first time in my life I REALLY listened to the lyrics and it meant more to me yesterday then any other time I've ever heard it...including the night we got married and we danced that first dance together.

[Fogg]

Great list, keep it up. Always be the lighthouse

This process [censored] but at least we know its the best thing we can do to stand for our M without controlling our WAS's.