Good discussion around this, I've been pondering the same thing...am I just in a fog, my W has clearly moved on with her life in every possible way but legally. Sometimes I wish she had just filed for D the day she left rather than leave me in limbo.
But then I think what my course of action would have been. Would I have spent as much time improving myself had there not been this glimmer of hope? Would I have been as honest with myself about my role in the break up? Would I have sought out help and counseling and grown as much as I have from the experience?
I know a lot of people go right off of a cliff after BD. They start drinking, drugging, and sleeping with everyone they can get their hands on. Their lives fall apart but in ways that are far more self destructive than the LBS's on this board who do have hope, who do have integrity, and who do follow DB.
With no hope, DB is a much harder road to walk. Maybe we are all in a fog, but maybe that fog protects us long enough to do the work needed to be ok when it lifts, and/or enter into whatever our new R is with the lessons from the past learned and being dealt with.
Either way, I won't look back and be upset that I put effort in, that I held a tiny bit of hope, nor that I did work that will benefit me whether my W comes back or not. The benefit stays with me either way.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
