The new normal

[u-turn]

I think that fog/denial is what controlled me for the first 9-10 months after bd. During this time I was trying everything (and was a hot mess). If I were more clear-headed and stronger as an individual person at that time, I may have seen that it would all be ok to end the marriage. I dragged myself around for a long time allowing myself to be in pain (suffering). I marked it up to "standing for the marriage", but much of it was just fear.

Also - if I were to have read about wayward wives, I may have seen the writing on the wall. (but maybe not - I for a long time believed that my wife was different than what I read here - she isn't like that, she couldn't be like that, this is only a phase - psssshhhh!)

But - without enduring all of that, I would not be the stronger person that I am now. I would not have found DB or this forum, I would not have learned about myself, and learned about and from other people. I believe that I would have just been a divorced hot mess. So I believe the pain has taught me things I would not have learned otherwise.