I think your last post Pink was well put. It is all confusing I guess that is what MLC or whatever it is that they are doing is all about.
I think your are right when you said you don't value you yourself enough because you are strong and are doing this and will continue to do this and whatever happens you have to live your best life and if you do look back at M you can probably see that towards the end you were more miserable then you are now.
