Thank you everyone for your kind words ... and yeah ... even typing that I thought .. no no no ... not a good move. I put myself on time out and like I said .. got quiet and really thought about it. And ... yeah ... no need to toss grenades into the tunnel.
I think I look at how long this thing has gone one .. even before BD, and there are flashes of the old W, so naturally I want to rush right back and 'be married' again. I have to often check myself .. I am not the most patient person, I tend to push hard for what I want. In this case I want my M and Family back, but I have to keep remembering the old M is gone, even the old W is gone .. and unlike a new relationship ... she has the book on me so its frustrating as things move so .. slowly.
So I had to get back to center, realize my life as it is now .. is better than those of the past ... 2-3 years. It really is, do I have everything I want the way I want it ... no. But its not to shabby. W is slowly coming out of the fog, figuring herself out, along with all that she is also at a crossroads career wise. I think I have compared it to watching a baby giraffe walk ... seems to be on point.
I decided to continue things as I have, its got me here. Stay still ... be the rock/lighthouse ... its who I am at this point. No R talks unless W brings it up, as far as the retreat, she really still seems to want this, I do not think its going to add pressure provided I can continue to bite my tongue, and hold myself back. I am going into this with open ears ... regardless if the M works out or not, I know I can learn more if I am just open to everything and not putting so much weight on this saving the M, so thats my mindset going into this. If W gets anything from it and wants to really do the work .. great.
That being said I think its so easy to forget I have been working on me and this for so long, she has just started.... to expect her to warp up and catch me is foolish .. and if she did I would know she has not done the work so what good would that do. I said before timing seems to have a way with me and my sitch .. I do think God has had a heavy hand in all this, this time off for her very well may be the best thing for her to really look inward and do some of the heavy lifting.
