great points Matt, thanks for the words and encouragement today, you have no idea how much it has helped me mentally and emotionally.
Originally Posted By: Matt777
I'm just worried about your attitude right now. Nothing has ACTUALLY changed. So your W filed for D. So what?
I needed to hear this especially. The clock ticking makes me nervous and anxious, but from what I have heard D is definitely a long process. Also, it's been almost 4 months since BD, surely it takes much longer for WAW/WW to even have a chance to get out of the A fog? I would guess it hasn't even been a month since she has started legitimately mourning that relationship. Who knows
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
great points Matt, thanks for the words and encouragement today, you have no idea how much it has helped me mentally and emotionally.
Originally Posted By: Matt777
I'm just worried about your attitude right now. Nothing has ACTUALLY changed. So your W filed for D. So what?
I needed to hear this especially. The clock ticking makes me nervous and anxious, but from what I have heard D is definitely a long process. Also, it's been almost 4 months since BD, surely it takes much longer for WAW/WW to even have a chance to get out of the A fog? I would guess it hasn't even been a month since she has started legitimately mourning that relationship. Who knows
The clock may be ticking, but just to "official" "legal" separation. Again, it's not really any different from where you are now, emotionally. And again, who's to say that you can't R after divorce is finalized.
Instead of worrying about the legality and the what ifs and keeping score, focus on YOU and the things you want to do to be the you you deserve. Of course, easier said than done, but you can do it!
Thanks Matt. I started the DB book and it has really helped me so far. Yesterday was an OK day, it's hard not to dwell and obsess about things at work and I have brief moments of panic, but I took my D2 to a waterpark yesterday after work and that definitely helped remove all my fears and worries.
Hardest part now is my wife has completely removed herself from any interaction with me. I try to be upbeat and cordial when she says anything, but she mostly stays in her room after our D2 goes to bed.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Kembo, sorry you are in this position. It really hurts when our spouse files and we feel that they have not 'tried hard enough' to fight for the M.
I have said this before, I think our spouse hurt too and in their eyes they have tried the best that they can and can not think they can do more! I feel strongly about this in my situation.
It's hard but keep with the GAL and detachment. Hugs to you.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Thanks Smothy; my W just recently filed so it is still new to me. Matt had some encouraging words in this thread though. Have you noticed any difference with you spouse as you GAL and detach?
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
She then started talking about our "relationship" after D and I had to tell her again we won't have a relationship. We will communicate and see each other because of D2, but there will be no relationship if this is what she chooses to do.
Excellent!!!
Look, all these excuses she's giving about continuing counseling is baloney. All she will do is try to make you look like the bad guy and justify her leaving the M.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, thank you for commenting. I should continue with the counseling with her though, don't you think? As long as I don't go in with the mentality of trying to be friends if she continues down the path of destruction?
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
Sandi, I've read a lot of your posts, but what made you have your "epiphany" or what was it that lifted the fog for you? Thanks for contributing to my thread; all the words and encouragement, even seeing things from a different perspective are very helpful
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
So my W texted me earlier about our D2, it was just something simple about her not wanting to take a nap. I wanted to respond so bad; show her empathy and let her feel understood. but I am GUESSING that not responding at all is the best plan of action.
She filed for D, she is firing me as her husband, I shouldn't respond to random small talk conversations when she is just venting about a situation. I think that is what I should do at least...
I don't want to be a shoulder to cry on or a ear to vent to; I want to be her husband.
Me: 32 Her: 29 M: 5 T: 11 D2 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: 2/13/15 (I found out, she didn't tell me) W filed for D after I confronted OM 5-27-15 Papers served 6-3-15 Temporary Order 7-15-15 W Moved out 7-17-15
