I feel like ive been a doormat to much and now she is just taking advantage,
2. If you feel like a doormat, then there's a good chance you've filled the position. A WW will take advantage, even of the toughest guys. That is how she thinks and operates.
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i am falling apart and just trying to hold myself togather.
3. Then don't confront yet. Don't discuss anything with her until you can control your own emotions.
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should i expose to everyone and let everyone know i still want to work on my M.
4. I don't think you are ready for any moves such as that. You are desperate and wanting to do something to shock sense into her. However, you likely will kick it into higher gear if you go at this unprepared.
1. i would have even more pain because at least when she is here, i know where she is so my mind can calm down and not be dreading.
Hi Angels - Im so sorry youre here, but youve gotten a ton of great advice already. After reading all of it, this one line here really struck me.
Worrying about this right now is like closing the barn door after the horse has already run away. Your wife has already said she wants a divorce and is in the throes of an affair. What difference does it make if you know where she is? Are you going to follow her around the rest of your life to make sure she doesnt see OM again? The more you push and cling, and hang on, the more she is going to try to sneak around.
Heres another analogy; if youre walking along, and something grabs onto your leg, you are going to try to shake it off, right? What if it won't let go? You shake harder, right? This is what your wife is trying to do! Youve been laying it on so thick and clinging so tightly, that its making her shake harder so that you can get the idea to LET GO.
Look, everyone here is here because at one time or another, they were just where you are now: in complete love with a spouse that wants to leave them. Im not sure how much you have read the DR/DB books, but the next step is to STOP PURSUING them. Everything you have tried so far hasnt worked - the extra affection, the trips, the cleaning, the cooking, etc...Now, it's time to do the opposite.
Leave. Her. Alone.
There are so many threads on detachment, that I wont try to rehash in a sentence or two. But you need to find your own way, so that you can LIVE YOUR LIFE for you. Your wife has already fired you. You cannot "nice" her back to your marriage. You cannot shame or punish her back to your marriage. The only way to get her back is to get her interested in you as a man and partner again. And the only way to do that is to turn yourself into that man.
So read and re-read the homework threads. It's time to detach. it's time to get your own life. It's a hard road, it's a lot of work, but it's worth it, because you deserve it. You dont deserve to be somebody's plan B.
