Stay the course meaning keeping calm, not responding to her, GAL and just not being availble? Keep focused on what? The divorce? or keep focused on not reacting to her emotional swings.
Just inline with what Wonka posted to you. She is trying to gain some handle on the control lever here .. see it for what its worth, notice the changes ... From BD on she was in control with how it was all going .... now, you are not staying where she wanted you, you are not a sobbing mess, infact you have turned into a strong woman who has a L and a middle finger to go with it ya know? Keep doing what you are doing and DO NOT drink that crazy-lady koolaide ... she is trying to bait you into being reactive, trying to get some sort of blow up from you ... calm cool and dare I say cordial is eating her up.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I feel like we have physicaly split so why rehash the "20 year communication issues", the "not having a voice" issue or the classic "You call all the shots and things are always on your time table" issue. No matter what I say unless I just validate "Im sorry you feel that way."
Suggested Convesaton from Me to W
"All of this is becuase of your self centered choices and behaviors. You never consulted any of us with your choices or behaviors.
Ok ^^^^ That red portion ... nope .. don't. Its very judgemental ... you have the right to feel that way .. vent here .. but that is not something a detached person would say .. do not take the bait and fire back with your own venom.
Remember .. hurt people hurt people .. the family dog who was just ran over by a pick up will bite the owner regardless of his/her intentions ... I started treating and viewing my W in this light .. it helped. Give that a shot.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I really don't want to get into a text or email war, it's emotionally draining for me. Its almost like she should just flail about and whatever happens will.
When you confroned your W with your ^^ darts how did that go? Further aruments or did it accomplish any comprehension?
If you do not want the TM/Email war .. set the boundary I did. I told my W that in order to discuss important topics, I will no longer do that electronically nor over the phone ... in person to ensure I would no longer be misunderstood. She tested this .. but I held my ground .. it helped.
When I did the truth darts it was from a place of calm strength ... no hostility, my voice soft but firm, once I fired them off I ended the conversation and walked away ... allowing her to soak it in and think about what I said. Typically she would be floored, then fire back later with spew, but I knew I planted some seeds that would grow when she was alone and would think about it.
You have to be careful with the truth darts, they usually are not in a place to hear you ... so you have to pick your spots and above all it can not be punitive, has to come from a place of strength, confidence and detachment. It is to just break a few windows in that house built on rewritten history and done properly can shake the foundation.
