Wanted to post briefly to let you know that I've read this...soon heading out for a family dinner at a restaurant.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
So now that W has been put on notice that it's going to be the L route, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Part of me thinks it is sending a strong message to her not to freak with me, the other part of me is worried that this will only serve to push her further away and make her more resolute in the divorce.
The suggested text response from yesterday was to communicate to W clearly that you do have a L and that is is UP to her to contact your L (or not). Don't worry about her antics because she's using them to regain her control over the process and it is really rattling her. Remember how you hanlded your then 2-year old kid throwing a tantrum or having a fit when he/she didn't get her/his way with you. Same with your W. Ignore her bad behavior and attempts to encite you into guilt over this.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I replied to W - L is out of town, and returns next week, I will talk to him then about the process. I honestly can't deal with her emotionaly now.
I wish you didn't do this. Because you are being reactive here. Allow W to contact your L herself. She has the contact info. Don't let W bully you on this or push you around to get this going. LET HER contact your L in some fashion. The onus is on her shoulders. The next move is hers. Period.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
As you know - she peppers me with texts both demanding that I talk to her, and then sending text photos of the kids. I have not replied to any of the texts as I am just too upset by recent turn of development. It seems that when I ignore her texts she comes unhinged, when I respond she becomes a tasmanian devil.
Yeah...she's trying every avenue to push your buttons. Please try to step back and stee them for what they really are: trying to re-assert her control over the process.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I will talk to L upon his return next week - Monday if possible. He will communicate with her.
I think you really need to stick to your guns ahave W contact your L. Not you. Your text said it all and W freaked out because you've put the responsibility in her lap. Don't allow her to throw it back in yours. See this at all?? I do very clearly from my chair.
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
Why did it surprise you that W threw in the guilt statement "I wish things didnt have to be this way" and the jibe about "not having a voice". Those were just things to hurt me and to manipulate me to respond to her texts.
That is a typical WAS response to a firm response from the LBS and it throws them off kilter. They don't like the notion of losing their fantasy scenario where they get everything in the D process...so when you or someone sane/rational like a L bursts their bubble, they round up against you and push every button designed to get you to feel guilty.
Put your Spock hat on and really see all of this for what it truly is: W is frantic with losing control of her fantasty of a D that is all cotton candy and poscicles. She wants you to do the work because she cannot bear to face the FACT that she belew up the family.
