Okay guys, here's my post before I head out for the day...
Myrrh--no worries!
The investigator asked me lots of questions--most of them to which I didn't have any answers. It was very tough after he left. Triple J was good enough to devote much of his day tending to my personal needs via IM (thanks ).
We both agreed that it was time for an R talk. The question was when.
Then I got a call from a friend who gave me some advice that I didn't relish regarding the golf tournament, so I knew the time was upon me. With my goal in mind, I made the call. He had someone in his office so he called me back.
We discussed the tournament and came to 2 decisions--he will let me know which one he feels is the best course. Then I told him I wanted to talk about the investigator and everything in between.
Folks, it was a really long call and I can't remember all of it. I have to summarize because I need to leave work soon.
I asked him if he really wants the D but has not proceeded because of guilt. He answered no, that he doesn't want the D.
He told me he came to the conclusion that there were 2 options as he saw them: to D or to come home. And he didn't want either. I asked him if he had considered the 3rd and best option?
He said, "Huh?"
I replied through my tears, "Working on a reconciliation without forcing you to move home."
He was silent and told me to proceed.
I asked him what his biggest fear would be? He responded that he was afraid that we would go back to our old ways and being the same unhappy people, and he knew HE didn't want that and figured I didn't want it either. I concurred.
Through more tears I told him, "K, if you think I'm going to hold this over your head forever, I won't. If you think I'm going to get revenge, I won't. If you think I'm interested in holding grudges, I am not. And if you think I'm going to ask you to get on your knees and grovel, I'm not interested in that either."
He said, "You've given me something to work with."
I ended up telling him my idea for the button (the one I want to make before my trip back east) and he started to laugh. He told me that I'm really funny. Hey, I already knew that!
Then we discussed his parents. He told me before he had to run to a meeting that his dad told him that getting a divorce was not the answer.
He figures that his dad is right.
We discussed a zillion more things. I finally stated, "I'm not asking for you to commit to the reconciliation process right now, but very soon. It's time to move either way."
He apologized for keeping me in limbo for 15 months... and commented somewhere during the convo that he can't even remember why he felt it was so important to leave. He no longer feels resentment toward me and asked me if I really believed that we could resolve our communication differences?
I told him yes, I really did.
Anyway, that is about it in a nutshell. If I can remember specific details, I'll jot them down.
Until then, it's time for the shark weigh in at the center and then home to hang out with my girls.
TTFN!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
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