RD Movin on 7

[Vanilla]

Hi ladies.

EXW text this morning to ask if she could visit. When she got here she seemed very upset and started a conversation about how we were both to blame for where we are.

RD maybe but not necessarily in equal portions and who is responsible for staying there?


I just validated and W said she had made a lot of mistakes last year and regretted them. I told her last year was last year and I didn't give it time or thought. She hugged me and I told her was important to me and we would be happy again one day.

I have absolute confidence that this holds for RD.

Then EXW told me she had stolen money from work as she couldn't survive !!!! This completely stunned me as this is so out of character it's unreal. I told EXW that she should not be doing it but almost as importantly she shouldn't be telling anyone.

RD she did and she has. That bell can not be unrung and the bridge is crossed and burned. Boundary RD, you should not want to know if this happens again.

She started crying again and said she couldn't believe she had some it and was ashamed.

But she did and her conscience and her decision. Her feelings to manage.


I told her that she would come to me if things got that desperate.

RD these are WW choices let her take the consequence of them. Let her fall it may be that which she needs to wake up. Tough love here RD. if your WW was gambling, drinking hard or a spendaholic would you do this. If she is funding that awful scuzz bucket OM with this to keep him sweet on her? Soft daft loving RD, I think the absolute world of you, but just now I want to wake you up and remove your blindfold. If WW can't afford food, rent and essentials but has compulsions then you may be enabling her to continue her lifestyle. I know that by keep providing for my H that's what I did, I enabled and only by stopping can WW wake up to her responsibilities.

Maybe I'm being to nice but what am I supposed to do ??

Do absolutely nothing but validate. "I can see that life is hard WW. I can't be party to criminal activity so please keep that info to yourself. Now would you like a cup of tea"

Just posting my thoughts. Take care all. Rd

Thanks Pink. I really appreciate your positive thoughts I think your right that this is about more than OM

And weed and alcohol........

I had a word with EXW a few minutes ago about the money issue and she got very upset and said I was making her feel worse and she wishes she hadn't told me.

She did. The milk is spilled and spoiled.

I explained that I understood she was in a bad place and I wasn't judging her but concern that she wasn't realising the consequences of her actions if it came out.

Dont mention it again otherwise you are judging. Her actions, her responsibilities by telling you she is trying to lift that burden.

She was a bit calmer but was crying saying she would never do it again. It was only a very small amount of money and I believe she won't do it again.

Her choice RD. 100% guideline. Whether you believe her or no is really irrelevant so let go of expectations.

I did as you suggested Pink and told her I was here for her and I was worried about her actions and that she was making choices that maybe wernt the always the best for her
She agreed and said she knew that she wasn't thinking straight sometimes.

That is her path RD. Let go.

She then told me she was trying to find herself and that she hadn't found whatever that was and she wasn't sure she ever would.

Her belief RD, just thinking makes it so.

She then started to say that she wished she had realised earlier that she was unhappy and wished it hadn't got to this stage.

If wishes were fishes!

She said she was 48 years old and didn't see much of a future.

I can see why, she'd think that.

I said perhaps she needed help from an I/C to see what she wanted from life to which she said maybe. She then told me that she was very unhappy and felt she was being a very bad mother and she needed to help pay for the kids upbringing.
I told her that was for future and to worry about herself.

Great answer RD.

I realise that I may need 2 x 4s however I have accepted that the M is over so I don't need to worry about pursuing.

Sweet heart let go of the outcome. You can DB stand for your M but let go of the outcome.

EXW then asked me if I was happy. I said I was ok and just focused on the kids at the moment. She said she wasn't really happy and started crying. I said that if she wasn't happy she needed to remove the unhappy things in her life. EXW said do you mean my friends ? I said yes. She then said she felt she was help her friends as they needed help. We both new we were talking about OM. She said OM was just a friend and nothing more. I told her it wasn't my business and did not want to know anything about her friends.

I am loving this RD, you are right and WW is fooling herself. please let go and let her walk her own path with her EA.

EXW then went on t say if she was still at home she could have used her wages as a holiday fund and we could have had two or three holidays a year She went on to say if I had helped out with the kids a few times when they were younger it would have made all the difference

Maybe it would, may be it wouldn't.

I just validated.

Proud of you RD.

EXW went to say L/C told her she needed to hit rock bottom to see how she felt and some people need to do that.

Maybe. If that's what is needed RD let that happen.

Again I just validated

Absolutely RD.

i felt that EXW actually listened to my opinion today. I'm not saying she agreed but she did listen. I hope for her sake she is coming out of the fog and she can find happiness again.

Let her tread her own path.

Thanks for reading and take care. Rd

I think the world of you RD. Please let WW walk her own path, and no prolonging the point of realisation. Tough love as the resources you give her are diverted to helping her 'friends'. Do you really want that? Think Dobson's tough love.

V