This is tougher than I imagined..

[Cherry]

We have good days and bad. Sometimes he is willing to do everything he can to prove he is dedicated to our marriage. Others, he seems distant and tells me how he feels guilty for what he's done. But he just thinks as it meant nothing to him- it means nothing to me and I'm not hurt. I feel I have done soul searching and found and am the best version of me- but he is reluctant to change anything about him. It hurts as I feel sometimes we can't talk about what happened without him getting angry (albeit at himself, but that obviously impacts me when he gets in a mood). I also find it difficult if he says he is going to go out of an evening (he hasn't yet- but it's a friends birthday soon), as I honestly don't trust him anymore. He is the only person I trusted due to a history of abuse- and now I don't think I fully trust him at all