I know I'm still in the middle of yer story here and you may already have this answer, but my thought on how to DB her saying "you should already know..." etc would be to keep a Solution Journal.
I mean, what if she is legit when she says it? What if she really is crazy right now, like a tired toddler throwing a tantrum on the floor and he doesn't know WHAT he wants, he just knows he doesn't have it and someone isn't giving it to him? What if that's where she's at when she says that?
My H does similar stuff to yer W. They don't seem to know what they want. We do one thing, they are not happy. We do the opposite, they are still not happy. At those times we ought to remember the DB journey is not about the approval or happiness of our spouse all the time. It's about the health and future of the R. Sometimes that can be by making our spouse happy and giving them what they say they want, and sometimes that is by showing love to them by doing what is in their best interest, even if they don't realize it and even if they are not happy about it.
So, I suggest tracking different methods on this and see what works, even if it only works a little. Set goals, SMALL goals, using DB book as a guide for ACTION ORIENTED goal setting. Then try validating her ("I'm sorry....I can see you are troubled by this...I have no wish to cause you pain....can you please help me understand...") or try a 180 ("you know, you're right. When people are in love, they are more in tune with the problems in the relationship. How do you think we should solve this?") or other options.....and then watch and wait and refer back to the books to see how to proceed next.
I feel like I'm talking like such a know it all. Of course, imma dope about my own sitch.
Hugs!
Edit - merged from thread #2 - Cadet
Last edited by Cadet; 06/04/1504:03 PM. Reason: message
M: 16y 3 adult kids, 2 young kids H filed D May/15, no svc yet Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? ~ Abe Lincoln WAKE UP. WORK HARD. FORGIVE. REPEAT.
